Created My Own Panic Attack Today
With school being closed, my son and his friends planned to get together for some fun. Great! We're always happy when the kids get out of their houses and away from the computer screens for a little while.
After my son left I had a huge panic attack. Here's what my brain did: What if they don't show up? What if he's the only one that shows up? He'll be devastated. His friends better not do that to him. Oh please let everything be okay!
And then the inevitable light-headedness and feeling like I can't breathe.
I hate that I couldn't let myself be positive. Awesome - they're all hanging out together on their day off! Great - they're socializing and having fun!
It's so frustrating that I immediately go negative. I immediately think the worst. I hate being this way. I love it that I'm normally (in my right mindset) a very positive, cheery person. I know that with CBT one of the things I need to do is answer my "what if" questions. If they don't show up, he'll turn around and come home. He'll be very hurt. I'll try to be comforting but nothing I can say will really help to take the sting away. He'll sulk and be sullen and I'll be angry. And then life moves on, I guess.
I'm exhausted always worrying.
@thoughtfulmomma My default is always worst case. I can only imagine when that's your child. A mother's love is amazing to me. Let's look at this positive, you love him so much you want him to be enjoying himself after working so hard and school. It sounds like he is. What do you do to bring yourself back into the moment. Something I know neither of us are practiced at. Sending you love and light!
@BradleyK
I'm struggling with learning the practice of grounding, and of being in the moment. I'm trying to focus on that, rather than that "what if" spiral, but it's hard.
Of course my son and his friends had a great time. Me - no. :) But I'm working on it. I guess. It was so stressful I had to take a nap today because I was so exhausted from it.
