Creativity feels pointless
All I've ever wanted in life was to be a creator of some kind. Be it an artist, writer, animator, game designer, anything that allows me to express and share my ideas with the world. But now I just feel like it will never happen. I have no following or fandom to speak of and my art is horribly, painfully mediocre, but no matter how hard I try I feel like I never get better and when I think of how I need to improve I don't even know where to start and I just get too overwhelmed to even move forward. My instructors, family, and friends keep telling me my ideas and work are good and I'm getting better but I feel like they're just lying to spare my feelings. The only thing I'm even slightly competent at is writing, but as far as the creative world is concerned that's a completely useless skill since people only ever want artists or animators and nobody in the creative world will even give you the time of day unless you can actually animate a pilot or create a working prototype, and even then most of my best writing work is NSFW fetish junk that I can never show my IRL peers. I don't even have the money to hire people to help me because I have no job and am practically unhireable because I have no work skills, can't drive, and am too emotionally unbalanced to be able to handle a high-tension work environment, but I'm not incompetent or mentally braindead enough to qualify for disability. I want to share my thoughts and ask people for help but I feel like there's never a good time since my family is always busy and/or seemingly in a bad mood or everyone else is too busy talking and I don't want to interrupt.
I just don't know what to do anymore. All I've ever wanted in life is to be a creator, but I feel like I'm not cut out for it anymore since I have no talent, no money, no recognition, and I lack the necessary social skills to network and make connections. The only slightly successful outlet I have is my aforementioned NSFW stuff but the few people who do follow my NSFW accounts are some of the most shallow ingrates on the planet who will like anything as long as it has tits dangled in front of them, and they aren't even willing to spend even $1 to financially support me and they couldn't care less about any of the real work I make. It all just feels hopeless.
@Pakeithpsy
I'm sure your art is great and don't give up.
@Pakeithpsy It sounds like you're feeling disappointed with your life so far, uncertain about what to do next, and without hope for the future.
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder: art that some dismiss as worthless, others admire as priceless treasure. You are not alone in having your creative works rejected over and over again. Many, perhaps most creative people have to endure working hard to make something, and then not being able to find a buyer. This reflects far more on the system than it does on you or your works.
Not being able to drive can make it harder to find a job, but it might not be a deal-breaker, depending on the availability of public transportation where you live, and type of job you apply for. A growing number of jobs, especially those which require creativity, have stay-at-home options for employees. One thing my parents told me when I was growing up was, "Do what you love, and you'll never work a day of your life." If you find a job that allows you to express yourself in creative ways and feel satisfied with your accomplishments, you may find the stress to be more manageable if balanced out by good feelings from work.
It seems to me that the biggest obstacle standing between you and success is not lack of talent, but rather lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. The first step to getting others to believe in you is to believe in yourself.
I hope this helps. Feel free to message me anytime if you would like to talk more about this. Wishing you appreciation and recognition for your creative works.
As a creator myself, your pain speaks to me. I was where you are just a few short months ago. One thing I've learned over my lifetime (I am 60) is that making money and being creative are sometimes 2 different things. The problem is when our self worth and confidence are wrapped up in one or the other. You CAN make money in a large number of ways and don't need skills to get started. The problem is always in how we see ourselves being happy. If we can only be happy being creative then a mundane job just to pay the bills seems impossible to even attempt. Something to remember is that a job takes 5 to 8 hours of your day on average so that leaves 8 to 11 hours to be creative give or take minus everyday things that also need to be done. I'm only trying to get you thinking about possibilities because this is just one aspect of everything you're going through. I may be overwhelming you and that's not my intention. Changing even one tiny aspect of how we view our circumstances can help to move forward.
I truly hope this helps.
