Do I really wanna be catholic anymore?

Ok so growing up I've been part of this strict, abusive, homophobic and catholic family. And I have had some horrible experiences with this. I'm not saying that the religion is bad or evil or anything of that sort I'm just saying my experience with it hasn't been great at all and I don't feel like its ok to feel like this. I belive as certain belief should be followed whole heartedly and not forced onto someone or you shouldn't feel like you're being forced and at this point I'm realizing I've always felt obliged to foollow this particular religion.

I just feel like I'm not righteous enough and I don't really FEEL the religion if you know what i mean. Like I don't feel like I belong here. I also feel like I'm restricted from doing anything and I feel as if everything I do is a "sin" and there's someone or a being watching me from abouve and constantly judging my every move and it scares me all the time. I always have anxiety questioning watever I do and thinking about the religion and I have so much anxiety with the confusion etc. Reading the Bible seems really weird for me because whenever a Bible is mentioned I'm either being somewhat forced to read it or I feel guilty for not reading it and I don't even understand it to begin with. Not to mention that I am part of the LGBTQ+ community (bisexual) and it seems taboo to the religion. I also feel as if I am not allowed to feel certain things cause their "unholy" or "its a sin" and it gives my so much anxiety and confussion whether I'm sinning or not. And this whole heaven and hell thing and if i don't do certain things like participate in lent I have let the Lord down and I'm burning in hell or I've gravely sinned and the anxiety is extreme. It feels weird praying because i feel i never do it whole heartedly and the time I'm supposed to be praying I have anxiety over a lot of things like how abusive my family is and am i ever going to get out etc etc. I am not okay with feeling like this and it's stressing me out because I feel like i'm already sinning by just thinking about this and thats another anxiety of it's own. I need help. :(