Estranged Brother wants to stop by my house for a "chat"
I haven't spoken to him in over 10 years. He's quite the liar and a thief. But here it is Christmas and he wants to chat. My "turn the other cheek" upbringing always gives me pause. He's only ever brought chaos into my life but am I a bad person for turning him away?
Dear @neatKite1166 , If he truly is that toxic, I suggest you turn him down. Keeping toxic people away from you isn't something to be ashamed of. From personal experience with toxic relatives, Unless you know for 100% sure that they changed, it's best to keep away from them.
There's the rug, @NeonGlass. Could he have changed? I don't know. I won't know if I turn him down. That's the root of my crippling doubt, I think.
@neatKite1166 This happens to me too. I always want to look for the best in someone and I will give them an amazing amount of chances. I feel like there is a peace of God, and all of us with that being said, some of what we are going through our challenges that we are looking for and seems it’s hard to understand where this might be stemming from but it’s easy to remember the good times in our life and try to continue on the path.
@neatKite1166
Just don't show fear
Fear @juliak1968 ...
I don't know what I'm feeling. Is it fear? Could that be it?
What am I afraid of?
Opening up and getting hurt again. That's a fact!
Dragging my wife and son into it. Absolutely!
@neatKite1166
yes, i would feel fear, but if i couldn't hide it and stand up for myself, i would consider cancelling, but you've got this. you need to fearlessly stand willing to listen but not willing to go against what you feel safe with.
@neatKite1166
But, maybe you can invite some friends for moral support??
That’s a good idea. Don’t meet at my house. Being some support. Thanks!
@neatKite1166 do it
@neatKite1166 I completely get you, this all must have been really difficult for you to do and I do understand why you'd feel as if you're a bad person for this, but you aren't - the fact that you're thinking about all of this is proof enough since it shows that in some way you do still care for him and have hope that he'll change. Maybe consider some of these questions: What could you say to him about this? How could you prove to yourself whether or not he's changed? What are some happy memories you have with him? When is the time that you most needed him and he was there or the other way around? Think about what it is he means to you and you mean to him. "There's nothing worse than family members acting like strangers" something my mother once said to me
Thank you @Dalt0kki
many have this situation and yes people can change but your mind fills with all the past chances gone wrong...... I agree the nietral place to meet and having a witness/ friend there helps
I really hope for your sake it is a good thing and he want to make amends