Ever feel nervous about participating in group chats..?
There's so many discussions ongoing and sometimes I fear that if I waltz in with my issues it would only ruin the mood for everyone, even on the Depression Support rooms I'm too afraid to open my mouth... it's silly, it really is.
I keep convincing myself if I speak up about my issues I am going to be negatively judged.. as if I can feel people's grimaces once I say something. I've ruined the mood before, brung along a tense atmosphere and everyone became quiet... and once I left I feel like the mood instantaneously brightened. I would speak to a Listener, but most times I freeze up and can't talk to them either without worrying about being misunderstood or saying something dumb.
Anyone feel the same way..? I really wanted to speak to someone about my college anxiety and a few other issues... I can't bring myself to come into college today and I'm scared this is me sabotaging my education. I mainly enjoy college once I'm there, but the walk up to college is straining... speaking about this, you still probably won't understand me... I feel like an idiot, a loser, a freak....
I feel like if I open my mouth about my issues it'll be wrong and you will want me to shut up... I posted a thread on here last night, different 'community' and regretted it so much I cried... pathetic, I look like a person with a story, an attention seeker, a special snowflake....
@sparklyseaweed
I don't want to walk to college. My legs tense up and I wobble all over the place. Really makes me stand out from the crowd and most people assume it's because I'm a little messed up in my head... think this is an exaggeration..? Tell that to the Tesco employer who followed me around the shop because he thought I was going to shoplift due to my nervous stance... Tell that to the people that snigger as I trip over my own feet, legs killing, ankles swelling with every step... it physically hurts when I walk and nobody knows this... not even my doctor knows, maybe I should bring it up... 9 times out of 10 I feel like passing out from a combination of strain and pain... whenever I get home my chest heaves and my breathing is staggered, the last time I walked out the house and returned I had to lie down because I was very close to fainting. It was hard walking, it was humiliating, my legs felt like jelly and when people don't know what is happening they cannot help but come to their own conclusions, the schools here are very buggered so yes naturally most people in this tiny town where everyone knows one another are rude...
Sorry this is off topic, just venting...
@sparklyseaweed
It might be a good idea to bring this up to your doctor, as you said. Also there's a long nice wiki how to page on how to feel less stressed out. It sometimes helps me, I hope it will help you
@bubblyButton74
Thanks for the suggestion. Honestly, it means a lot for someone to hear me out.. even just for a little while.
😩 Sadly for me, I think I'm rather a lost cause. heh. I just feel like I cannot simply go to college today, which is a pity as I enjoy it a lot..
Sorry, I'm throwing a lot at people.
@sparklyseaweed
You're not throwing a lot, you're simply expressing yourself and I think it's brave to do that. Also, I checked your profile and says you're a health and social cre student. It looks like it's a nice subject to study! What do they teach you there?
@bubblyButton74
Umh. Right now I've taken a break from my original course due to personal reasons and currently pursuing art. It's silly how I'm skipping an entire day of art when I thoroughly enjoy it, its just that something has gone me really down and I'm freezing up inside... I cannot get out of that door today. I'm physically exhausted and do not deserve any sympathy as I have not slept last night. I have not slept properly for the last 5 days and it's my fault. My mum is going to be so disappointed in me... 😩
Sorry, straying from topic. During the time spent in Health & Social we learned more about equal rights and the importance of treating your clients with respect, instead of unfair treatment because they may have a disability, knowing how to determine a care plan suited for the needs of your client, learning to work with the client and center their treatment around their own personal thoughts and feelings. It was so good and I was so eager to learn more. Good thing the art course only lasts for a year, I'll be back next time for sure. 😊❤️
@sparklyseaweed
Ohhhh.. she is not happy.
@sparklyseaweed
A year of art break also seems fun! But please don't blame yourself :( Sometimes it's hard for a person to take care of themselves. Sometimes sleeping regularly can be hard. My first year in college was more about understanding that I had to eat regularly, than understanding the actual classes. Maybe it's better that you skipped a day. Today can be an opportunity to treat yourself! 😊
@bubblyButton74
*whispers* not if you've got tons of coursework to catch up on since you started late... and yes, I have no choice other than to blame myself. I could have gotten up and went to college today. If I was in a backcast and bedridden then maybe it wouldn't be my fault, but trust me... it is my fault. 😳😳 You're too kind..
@sparklyseaweed
I'm really sorry that you feel that way :( But please be nicer to yourself. Think if you would say the same for a friend. You deserve the kindness you would give to a friend!
@sparklyseaweed
It is good to take a break. If you are exhasted, take time for yourself and don't blame yourself for breaks. Another thing everyone desrves the respect without any regards so don't devalue yourself.
@sparklyseaweed i do actually :/ but sometimes i suck it up and im fine, then other times im such a coward :/
@KrysAmbrosine1021
*hugs*
Hey @sparklyseaweed, I feel you hard. My bad days start of very similarily with not wanting to/being able to get up and go to school. I'm so sorry to hear that you struggle with a similar issue.
I also am hesitant to go on the group chats and once joined as a last resort when I was in the throws of a panic attack. It was terrible, the people on the forum were having their own problems (which is as to be exspected) but I found it so triggering and I fell into a roll of just trying to comfort the others and ignoring myself and not mentionaling my equally terribel problems because I felt like theirs were more immediate. Needless to say that was a bad time and it didn't last long.
Your feelings are valid and you have the right to tell people and seek help and guidance, but the chat rooms are a tricky place for sure. I hope you make can make it to school tomorrow. Be kind to yourself. <3
I'm too scared to even try.
@tluper6491
You were brave enough to post in the forums!
I think that's a pretty incredible achievment <3
So you are trying and doing great, small steps are the most rewarding ones! c: