Fear of Loved Ones Dying (specific scenario)
(initially I posted this in the wrong section so I've copied and pasted it here :) )
I feel like my brain doesnt know how to function without creating SOME form of anxiety. I just got over an incredibly lengthy and stressful event in my life that created a HUGE amount of anxiety in my life (this event lasted 6 months) Yesterday was the first day since the event ended and it should have been a massive relief but now my brain has shifted to stress and worry and anxiety about people I care about dying.. More specifically my boyfriend is going mountain climbing by himself (not like rock climbing, but hiking up a very large mountain) this coming August and I am worried he is going to die. I realise this is SO far in advance. He has done this for years (this will be our first summer together)...he is from the mountains so it is 'in him' so to speak. Hiking up a mountain allows him to re-charge...its like his meditation. We are going back to his home town in the summer and that is when he will do it. He will be gone all day, by himself with no cell service. He does go prepared, he trains for months, maps out his route, he has been doing this for over a decade, he knows what he is doing and people do this ALL of the time, yet I worry that he wont come back this time. Im just worried he will hurt himself, or that he will run into a dangerous animal, or something equally as bad will happen. Asking him not to go would not be fair, and I would never do that because I know how much he loves going.
I have no idea how to not worry about this. I shouldnt worry about it at all to this extent, and I DEFINITELY shouldnt worry this far in advance. I just picture myself that day, which I will spend with his Mom doing one thing or another, and I can already feel that anxiety that I know I will feel all day that day...constantly checking my phone for a text from him saying he is done and on his way back.
I cant talk about this specific worry with anyone...I find it embarrassing...its only January. I feel like I Should be able to get a handle on my anxiety and stop worrying but I cant. I see a complete future with him (marriage, kids, happiness, etc) but Im worried that none of it will happen because im worried he is going to die. I hate feeling this way...this is not a healthy way to go through life, I know that. I just have no idea how to stop it :(
@Pixie13
Hello.
First off, not to invalidate what you're feeling but this is some major catastrophic thinking.
To be fair to you, its a fact of life that the people we love can be taken away at any moment. But you don't stress and worry about your parent's getting into a car accident when they go to work. Similarly, you shouldn't feel this about your significant other (SO). As you yourself say, he's been doing this for years, he trains, he brings the proper gear. He sounds pretty well prepared for any challenge he might face.
Perhaps this stressful event you went through that you mentioned is causing you to have fear of losing the people you hold dear or maybe you have lost people in the past. Whatever the case may be, its unhealthy to worry about this so much.
I can't tell you to not worry because well, cliche and insensitive as it sounds, "sh*t happens". But thats a 1 in a 1,000,000 thing. No one can tell you not to worry you just have to not let that worry overpower you.
Think of it like this, people who are married to police or soldiers. When they leave the house, their partners worry for them, but they hope and they assume that their partners will keep on coming home as they have but they accept the reality and possibility that they may not come back. They keep that at the back of their minds and pray and hope it never happens.
You can perhaps talk to your SO about it, but it seems irrational and make me you look very clingy. Now, as mentioned before maybe you've gone through life experiences that make you fear this the way you do but you also have to realise this is not normal and no one, not even people in dangerous professsions do.
So just pray (if you believe in that sort of thing) or think positive or whatever and have faith in your SO's skills. Keep busy while he's gone and before you know it he'll be back down that mountain at the front door hungry for dinner.
All the best.
@exampligratia this is a wonderful response:-)
