Feeling unworthy and unlovable
Hello!
Lately I've been feeling such a burden to my loved ones, especially my boyfriend. He tries his best to understand my anxiety disorder, and I have no clue why he is still around. How can he and my friends love such an entagled bunch of fear, paranoia and crippling anxiety? I grew up being told I couldn't be loved bc I'm too sensitive and just too much to handle. And recently, my boyfriend has started keeping me at distance because of my spiraling and intoxicating anxiety. I've been going to therapy, I am doing my best but... it's never enough. I know he loves me but I'm here waiting for the shoe to drop. How long until he realizes I'm just too much and yet not enough? A burden, an unlovable, fearful 25 yo girl.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I feel the same way in my relationship and just in general. The feeling of waiting for that other shoe to drop is a dreadful one and exacerbates existing anxiety. I hope that you and I both find a way to overcome this self doubt. I don't have much advice to offer, but you have my empathy, and you are definitely not alone.
@nocnitsa96 Hello, I'm so sorry that you feel this way absolutely no one deserves to go through something like this, you say you're "unlovable" but I'm positive that's not true because nevertheless your friends and boyfriend still stick by you showing how much they appreciate you
@nocnitsa96 It's really sweet for your loved ones to stick around care about you so much regardless of what troubles you've gone through so far even if it's straining for them. It sounds like you may be suffering from low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority based on what you described. We can't always see all the beautiful things other people love about us but that doesn't mean they aren't there. It's other people's freedom whether they accept or reject us, even if we think they deserve better or we aren't all that great. It might be useful to look into resources about improving self-esteem like any self-care you can do to help relax even a bit or listing things you appreciate about yourself.
While it's true that there's always a chance that people will leave, that doesn't mean the love they give you now isn't valuable. It's so essential to try to be happy with what you have at the moment because nothing lasts forever. That said, it's completely understandable to jump to thinking about the worst-case scenario so you can plan out how to cope with it. Other people are often just as afraid of losing you as you are for them. You seem to have a good deal of self-awareness and empathy for your boyfriend even though he's been distant. I hope you can be just as kind to yourself whatever happens.
