Had a All-Day Anxiety Attack
It's been a rough day and I just want to put it "out there" to hopefully ease my mind a little bit.
I get messages from my husband throughout the work week. This morning I hadn't received one from him, and that started a panic attack which spiraled into all day anxiety where I could barely function. Because I think that if he hasn't sent me a message, he must be mad at me. When he left in the morning, did I say something mean to him in my sleep? Did I not tell him that I loved him and so now he's mad and doesn't want to talk with me?
As we all seem to do, whenever something happens, our brains point to the negative. And that's exactly where my brain went. "I did something wrong and he's mad." I messaged him (just a simple message) and he messaged back and forth with me. But then it was quiet again. It's so stupid to feel this way. Even though there are days where I might hear from him just once, maybe early, and that's it, today just triggered something in me.
It has crippled me all day mentally. Logically, my brain knows nothing has happened, and yet it still wants to take me on this journey where it says "maybe you DID say something wrong this morning!!" I'm trying to discover why I let it do that, but right now, I just don't know. I'm beginning to figure out all the other little problems in my brain, but this one I haven't quite solved yet.
@thoughtfulmomma You and I both know it's a process. Breath! He loves you. He'll come home tonight and you'll see. Just breath my friend! You are not alone! I see your responses to other people on here and I know how loving and caring you are. I'm sure you did nothing! Love and light my friend!
@BradleyK
Thank you. Yes, there was nothing wrong. It was just what my brain created, and its effects were long-lasting. I'm still struggling today with feeling anxious and stressed.
Lots and lots of breathing exercises today are in order!
@thoughtfulmomma I thought I was doing better. My panic attacks are roughly 2 a week. Today marks one week without one. We are in Walmart when it hit today. I started shivering and trembling and couldn't get out fast enough. Then when I get to the car I realize I forgot my Xanax. I tried my breathing exercises and mindfulness. It helped, I got home and then it hit again. Now, I've taken a Xanax and probably to bed for a while. OH, and it doesn't help I've had a cold for 3 days.
@BradleyK
I hate when an attack hits out in public. I have had one hit in front of my son while we were out, but he had no idea - I don't need him knowing his mom has stress - he's got enough of his own stress to deal with. The brain just seems to think about a million different things at once and I get lightheaded. I meditate a lot each day to practice calming myself for those times that it does happen while I'm out. I'm still a long way off from really handling it all, but it's all about what we do each day.
We'll get there! It was great that you had a whole week without an attack!
@thoughtfulmomma I'm trying to get out in public more. Today is a boater's swap meet. It's in an hour. Oh, btw I live on a sailboat in Mexico. Not as exotic as it sounds. Lol! Then I have a bit of grocery shopping and pick up our laundry. I think I'll be done in by then. My only project is to clean the fridge today.
Congrats on keeping your attack under control in front of your son. One step at a time, and that was worthy of two steps!
Otherwise, how are you?
I did it! No attacks!
@BradleyK
Congrats on no attacks! I'm struggling still. Having lots of anxiety over job, bills, the future, etc. You know - everything! I'm waking up nervous, and I hate that. I had a pretty great day yesterday, and yet at the end I fell back into worry and anxiety. I wish there was a switch to just turn it off.
@thoughtfulmomma Thank you! I wish we could get together and have a cup of tea. That's the best part of this site for me, is knowing there are others out there who understand. The hard part about my condition is trying to explain to people who don't understand what it's like. My mother asks me what's a panic attack like? I want her to understand, but explaining it is reliving it.
So what's new with you? Sending empathy!
@BradleyK
I agree - it's great to have this site with people who understand what you're dealing with. I try to explain how I'm feeling to others, but if you've never had a panic attack or have never struggled with anxiety, you just can't really understand the feelings inside.
Today has been a rough day. I want to be more positive, but it has just been hard. I want to be strong, but it's just not happening, so I'm distracting myself with work, which does help keep me focused on small successes and accomplishments.
@thoughtfulmomma I'm not concentrating on work. I'm still on medical leave. It'll be a few months before I truly feel ready. I think it's called compassion fatigue. I work in hospitality and I just can't for a while. I need a break... unfortunately my body knew that before I did and lead to a full on breakdown. LOL! At least I can laugh about it now. Are you using a therapist at all? I'm using an online therapist. She's been wonderful to work with.
I know, so we don't seem such strangers, let's tell each other a little about one another. I hope it's not an issue for you, but I am gay. I'm 48. My husband and I have been together 15 years. We have a cat. I love to cook, read and garden. Pretty boring, but it's me. Oh, we live in Mexico part of the year and Michigan the rest of the year. Actually, correction we are moving to Michigan.
I hope you are doing well today. Remember you are not alone and I'm sending light and love!
@BradleyK
I think everyone should have time away from their jobs to recuperate. Hospitality is rough. You always have to be cheery and upbeat even if you're dealing with the absolute worst people!
Mexico to Michigan - that's a big difference in climate! I'm a wife, a mom, and struggling to deal with what it's like to be an empty-nester in a very short time. (One of the things causing my anxiety - all of a sudden my baby boy is almost out of high school. How did that happen?!!?) :)
@thoughtfulmomma I kind of know the feeling about your son. My Nieces and nephews are all grown and having babies now. My favorite nephew who's 35 just had his first. It's the closest to a grandchild I'll ever have. Where did the time go from when I was changing his diapers to now? He's actually taller than I am. I'm proud of the man he's become, but there are times I still see that baby I helped take care of 35 years ago.
@thoughtfulmomma I haven't heard from you in. A few days. Everything OK?