Help me speak...

When I say I'm scared, it's better expressed as terrified. It leaves panic in my chest and lingers with a physical pain. My thoughts move too fast for my mind to grasp them into words, thoughts like the fears of causing someone I care about pain. It sends me into a shiver, an ice cold dip into the sea of anxiety and depression. I get caught up in my own head and lose myself in memories of times I could speak before I get overwhelmed by these walls I've unwillingly put up. The walls I have are both ways, like a mirror you can barely see through. Only I don't see me, I see you trying to see me I am too afraid to call out saying "I'm right here" but my tears choke me to silence and once again I'm drowning.