I Did Everything I Was Supposed to Do. So Why Does It Feel Like Life Keeps Moving Backwards?
I don't usually post personal things, but I think I've reached a point where I just need to get this off my chest.
I'm an international student in the USA. I recently completed my master's degree, but I graduated without a job because of the current market and visa restrictions.
The hardest part isn't simply being unemployed. It's feeling like the last two years of my life have been nothing but constant work with very little to show for it.
Throughout my master's, I was always working. I started as a Research Assistant, hoping it would eventually lead to funding, but despite contributing consistently, I never received the scholarship I was expecting. Every semester I somehow ended up losing my campus job, and eventually I found myself working one of the toughest dining hall jobs on campus. My days started at 5:30 AM just to make it to work.
Meanwhile, many of my friends had departmental positions from their departments that paid better, continued every semester, and even covered most or all of their tuition.
I watched classmates receive opportunities that seemed to fall into place naturally while I kept struggling despite putting in everything I had.
One of my roommates received departmental funding, internships, and eventually a full-time job after graduation. What makes it harder is that he often puts others down, takes credit, and manipulates situations to his advantage. Maybe he was better than me in some ways—I can accept that. But if someone is 10–15% better, why does the outcome sometimes look 100 times different?
I've also seen many people around me who weren't necessarily more skilled. They were simply in departments with more funding and better opportunities.
For most of these two years, I had the lowest income among my close friends, despite constantly working and trying to improve myself.
Today, I've graduated without a job.
I'm struggling to afford basic necessities.
My laptop is literally held together with tape, and it's so slow that even job applications become frustrating. My phone is also falling apart.
I've lost a lot of hair over the years and wear a hair patch, but even replacing that has become something I keep postponing because I simply can't afford it.
In the last two years, I never went on a single trip—not with friends, not even by myself—because I never had the money. Meanwhile, many people around me were able to travel, enjoy life, and build memories because they had scholarships, financial support, or stable jobs.
One of my roommates barely had to work because his family is already settled in the U.S. They gifted him a brand-new MacBook after graduation. It now sits unused, collecting dust, while I'm trying to build a career using a laptop that's barely functioning.
That's the part that hurts.
I don't resent other people's success.
I just wish that after working this hard for so long, I could have caught one break.
I'm exhausted.
I'm tired of constantly giving everything I have without seeing meaningful progress.
Sometimes I genuinely wonder if coming to the United States was the biggest mistake of my life.
I still have dreams. I still want to build a good career. I still believe I can contribute and succeed.
But right now, it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? If you were in this position and eventually turned things around, what helped you keep going?
@optimisticStrawberries4642
Well I was always overlooked for job promotions... it was so bad that when my employer gave me a job promotion finally I assumed it was a trick and quit my job immediately because I assumed they were just looking to take advantage of me..
But you got a education so you're one step ahead of alot of people so be confident things will eventually turn around for you. 🌲
@optimisticStrawberries4642 "Thank you for sharing this and getting it off your chest. Being an international student carries so many hidden pressures and challenges, and it must feel so deeply discouraging when you do everything right but still feel like you're moving backwards. Please be gentle with yourself navigating all of this in a different place takes immense strength. We are all here rooting for you😊🫶🏻
You were taught a ethos hard work always pays immediately. Hard work typically over the long term but many things in life are unfair. Ukrainians and Palestinians loose there lives unjustly as do many in poor parts of the world.
You have ability if you are at risk of being returned do something to help those your currently with and something that would help those you’re from if you’re returned.
That way you have helped whoever you end up with.
You were taught a ethos hard work always pays immediately. Hard work typically over the long term but many things in life are unfair. Ukrainians and Palestinians loose there lives unjustly as do many in poor parts of the world.
You have ability if you are at risk of being returned do something to help those your currently with and something that would help those you’re from if you’re returned.
That way you have helped whoever you end up with.
@optimisticStrawberries4642
I am sorry you are in such a stressful situation. We're raised that effort leads to reward, but sometimes it is not that simple. My hope is that your studies in the US will eventually pay off for you, perhaps in a way you didn't expect, but that is not much solace now, when you have struggled so much.
I have known many international graduate students in your situation. Too many US schools do not explain that graduate stipends are funded by research grants; if the faculty do not have funding then there is no money for graduate research assistants. You could be the best student in your program in the last ten years, and still not get funding.
Have you considered an OPT position? This would let you work in the US for a year (longer if you are a STEM student) and get some valuable experience.
@optimisticStrawberries4642
I feel similar to this situation but don’t think it’s exactly the same which is completely ok.
I feel like I’m falling behind bc for the longest time I’ve been left behind and held back therefore opportunities I should have had or been given, I never got them. And it’s still that way.
@optimisticStrawberries4642
hey, i'm really glad you managed to vent all of this out. it seems that the tiring thing isn't simply being jobless but thinking of the past two years with non-stop work, five-thirty am dining hall shifts, campus jobs constantly being taken away from you, missing out on scholarships and having very little to show for it. then seeing others get funding and job opportunities just falling in their lap without putting as much effort as you had to. the contrast would probably drive anyone insane. the macbook gathering dust while you're using the one held together by tape, yes, i know where you're coming from. from my personal point of view, i don't think that working this hard and being in such a predicament reflects badly on you. it looks like rather you've been dealt a difficult hand, visa issues, funding, timing, none of these have anything to do with how hard you've been trying. you've stated that you still have hopes and confidence in succeeding. and that in itself speaks volumes for you considering you've been through two years as tough as these. you've carried yourself through so much already, and that same strength is what's going to keep pulling you forward even when it's hard to feel it. i believe you have a bright future with the strength you got! :)
@optimisticStrawberries4642
hey. I read every word.
The laptop with tape, the 5:30 AM shifts, watching others get funded while you are struggling. This is really hard to read.
That question you asked is so accurate, though. "If someone is 10-15% better, why does the outcome look 100 times different?" That was really true. It's okay that it makes you angry. It doesn't have to make you bitter.
You still have dreams; honestly, it's great that you can say that while you are in so much pain. It must mean there is still a spark of life in you.
You still have dreams; honestly, it's great that you can say that while you are in so much pain. It must mean there is still a spark of life in you.
I don't have any answers, but I did want to say: your story was heard. You're not invisible. And I'm really glad you posted this instead of holding it all in. 💙
I don't know what to say even my position is somewhat similar now , graduated and not having job . When I was in my degree I have not enjoyed much, i never attended parties, I was constantly thinking about one thing getting a job and well settled in future,but now it's very hard I feel I am not enough everything feels so hard....but still hope is the greatest thing to have it can do miracles 🤍 Please be positive
@optimisticStrawberries4642 That observation you made about a 10–15% difference in skill leading to a 100x difference in results is one of the most painful realities of navigating the US higher education and visa landscape. Higher ed is not a pure meritocracy. Structural privileges—like departmental funding pools, domestic status, family safety nets, and pure systemic luck—often dictate who gets an easy runway and who has to fight for basic survival. Watching someone let a brand-new MacBook collect dust while you commute to a 5:30 AM dining shift with a taped-together laptop isn't just frustrating; it is a deeply exhausting form of grief.