I cant stop thinking my friends hate me.
So this has been going on for a few years. I tend to think I'm a pretty dislikable person but lately, with new medication, that's been changing. I've made a new friend recently, the first close friend since early highschool, and we were chatting yesterday and I had the thought "She thinks you're pathetic." I closed discord and had a mild panic attack. This sort of thing has caused me to push some people away, people I'd really rather stay in touch with, but who I've convinced myself are better off without me.
I dont know what to do. I cant tell if people really like me, sometimes I think people like me out of pity because I have some mental handicap that I dont know about but is obvious to the average person.
Should I talk to her and warn her that I might become distant and explain why? Or should I just let things happen, for better or for worse? Also can I talk to the friends I've cut off and try to rebuild bridges, or at least make them feel better? I dont even know if they feel bad, like I said I've rationalized the thought that they dislike me.
@Gorborg
Hi there,
I (of course) have never walked in your shoes but whenever I get a bad thought I always think of this quote: 'You are not your thoughts'. It helps me to create a bit of distance between me and intrusive thoughts. I hope this quote helps you a bit too :). Also I think it could create some sympathy if you told your friend you sometimes feel like a person hates you and start pushing them away. I think she will understand you better and it could make your friendship stronger.
If you want to talk to the friends you've cut off, you can try to rebuild bridges but I think you don't have to if you don't want it. If you decide to start talking to them again you could explain them why you did it.
Good luck with everything! Take care <3
@Gorborg Thank you for your post this was comforting for me to read because I get the exact same thing! Especially what you said about thinking people like me out of pity. I think you should talk to her about how you are feeling because it's always good to be honest and maybe she will be able to help how you are feeling. Hope you have a good day xx