I hate that I can't allow myself peace
Lately everything is bothering me. Worrying me. I can't seem to give myself even an hour of peace and happiness during the day. All of my worry is based on other people. What I mean is, everything that gives me anxiety is tied into someone else. My son, my husband, my extended family. I wake up anxious. My first thoughts are usually "oh no, what if he wants to talk about X, or what if he says Y?"
I start planning all of these situations out in my head - those damn "what ifs" and it completely ramps up my anxiety. If it's just me, thinking about me, I don't have any anxiety. I don't have any "what if" moments. Me worrying about what everyone else says, what everyone else does, what kind of people they are - it's all so overwhelming. I'm exhausted by it. It's almost like I just want to give everyone a sheet of notes - these are the only things you're allowed to say around me. Nothing else. Because I'm afraid of everything else.
And that's the key. Fear. I'm afraid to hear some of the things people are saying - or want to say - or might say. There are truths out there I'm not ready to deal with. Truths that, in the end, have no terrible impact on my life personally, but could impact my relationship with others.
It's all one big worry. I'm tired of worrying. I'm not good at facing things head on.
@thoughtfulmomma do you have the time to practice a bit of self-care? I know this sounds silly but I think it'll help ❤️
@Jem7Cups
I meditate, I pray, I try to find little bits of time for myself. That has been especially hard with the lockdown. I used to have a lot more "me" time, and I haven't had that for a while. Quality me time - not "Hey, I'm going to the store by myself" time. But sometimes I grab that, too, just to have a few minutes to sit in the car.
@thoughtfulmomma Oh my... I really felt this :(
Sometimes it could seem like I'm bugging other's businesses and lives, but if I stop thinking about them, I'm worry that they might think I'm ignoring them and *insert any other possible negative scenarios all made-up by me* yada yada
The exhaustion... >_<;;;
I'm rooting for you too! Let's take our time to sort things out and, idk how but hopefully we'll be able to solve this issue so we can get better sleep at least! :)
