I'm afraid to go to work 😣
I am going through a major depression right now and finding work extremely difficult. I have so much anxiety about it that I have called off most of a week now. At work I just fight back tears and the urge to run away.
i would love to take some time off to get better. I can't see a doctor about my medication for a few weeks . My work is my family's small business in retail. I work with my mom and aunts and a cousin. My mom will be taking off to have a knee replacement so I feel guilty needing time off now for mental health. I feel so stuck and scared. I've considered breaking my own leg so I can stay home. I know... crazy.
to be honest I love my family but hate the job and always have.
@cher70
I get your pain and frustration. That feeling of being trapped by obligation. Been there more than once and trying to find ways to take care of yourself as you meet the obligations just makes it more overwhelming (at least for me). Then the dread takes over and sadly it turned to anger and resentment (for me) and I basically quit doing anything outside of my obligation -- and I think that is where I went wrong.
My mum had knee surgery not 2 years ago - I'm the only caretake and had to juggle the job too for a boss who could careless since it wasn't her or hers. The surgery had complications which stretched out recovery, time needed to juggle therapy, meds and meeting her needs, working 40+ hours because there's no reason for me to take time off to do what I was doing, and I gave up even the simple things of reading a book, drawing, checking email, and even spending time with the cats to make sure I had all my obligations met. It was utterly miserable and I'm still trying to get things on track.
What you are going through is okay - let go of any guilt you feel. You don't deserve it. You don't need it Yes, you have obligations but don't let those obligations define you or remove you from what you enjoy doing.
You're being honest about not liking the job. That's a start and good on ya' for it. Sometimes your happiness trumps family obligation - and that too is okay! Let go of the guilt and look at what you can control. Can't see anything you can control yet -- go ahead cry and let the frustration out -- and don't feel guilty about it. Then start putting your feelings and thoughts on paper -- and set them aside and cry and scream and let out some more out -- then pick it back up and start scratching off stuff you have no control over. Keep doing it over and over... and put yourself, your desires, your wants first and take back you. If that means eventually finding another job to make you happy and fulfilled -- do what you need to do for you. Look for a sympathetic ear among your family running the business and tell them how you are feeling and how overwhelmed you are -- see if they can help you. You won't know until you ask.
I hope you find a solution or coping mechanism to help you feel better and find your happiness.
@diplomaticconfucious Thank you so very much. Your words are very encouraging to me as I muddle through another day at work: again, thank you!
@cher70 You're welcome. You'll make it... one day at a time - not the week, not the month, not the year -- take it one day at a time. :D
Don't forget to take a break, step outside, and catch a breathe of air -- do something for you while you're at work.
I'm planning a "Kettle Break" and a nice cuppa tea for my afternoon already. :D
It's okay for you to take time of because everyone needs self-care. Mental health is taken seriously and you taking the time off could be greatly needed for you. I hope you are able to take some days off and focus on yourself. You got this!
@eviethepwum thanks so much! I don
@cher70 I understand that it can be so hard to have self-care because there are other things you could be worrying about and self-care is not on your mind. But it is definitely needed and healthy for you!
Needing time to get better when dealing with depression takes a lot of time and is never easy, especially when you have family and work responsibilities. I hope the day goes by smoothly for you! I hope it helps to hear that you are not alone and its totally understandable to feel the way you do.
@cher70 sorry to hear about this, i feel the same way, im agoraphobic, and im afraid to go back to school or find a job because im afraid to leave my house :/
@KrysAmbrosine1021 I
@KrysAmbrosine1021
Sorry to hear that agoraphobia has slowed your path to your goals of getting an education and a job.
Maybe you can look into some of the distant learning programs that have become so popular with universities (particularly in the US) - a lot of the state colleges have programs of study solely based for computer users and students don't even have to step a foot on campus ever in some cases to attain their degrees.
Telecommuting is big in many industries now - some people never visit their companies - they just work as contractors from home -- so there is hope for a job that you can do from home. Even job agencies are starting to actively seek people to fill those roles.
Focus on your needs and see how you can incorporate resources into achieving your goals. You have the confidence and drive to do it... just give yourself time to sort out how to identify what is driving the fear and how to develop ways to cope with it.
