Im new I messed up... I wish I didnt.

I mouthed off a bit behind someone's back, nonsense trying to joke around but clearly didn't come off the way I intended. I am bad at social interactions and got carried away. I didn't say anything offensive just cringe and not necessary, all around pretty lame. I was being a jerk (TBH I am a jaded a***** being a jerk is a default that I am working on) but venting / complaining to someone I had started to consider a friend. I miscalculated as that being acceptable.

The person I talked about confronted me the next day. They approached me with two other people, and I was alone. They tried to get me upset. They did. I 'joked' about fighting basically, I don't fight I am really small, I thought that was clear while making the 'jokes' it was part of the 'joke' ...

I walked away, told management I should leave, told management what I said previously that started the confrontation as well. Management told me to decompress and take a break. Encouraged me to stay. Someone later wrote a slur near my work area. Or I think its the same people, I didn't SEE them do it. But the events line up pretty well. This slur had appeared in the same spot before and is something complained about the pervious day to.

I feel bad, embarrassed, stupid. I want to apologize for running my mouth. but I don't think that would do anything and I am probably not going back to that place. I'm also mad at myself for wanting to apologize ... I still don't understand how I got from point a to point b. I want to stop thinking about it. I feel like I need to shut my mouth and move on.

Part of me wants to go back and try to move forward. I am unsure if I would be putting myself in an unsafe situation.