I need some support
Hello everybody.
I am in need of support. I am currently struggling academically (5th year of a 3 year programme), with only 1 exam and my thesis standing between me and graduation.
I have been suffering with anxiety which has only gotten worse with the years plus I believe I may have developped depression. I am tired and I'm already past the bottom of the barrel. I feel awful most of the time and (TW: SUICIDE) I have started developping suicidal thoughts and intentions.
I want to go to therapy real bad, yet I am financially dependent on my parents who do not believe I need help, yet have "agreed" to send me to therapy once I graduate. Which is an issue for me since my anxiety comes from my studies.
Today I failed my last exam once again. I can try it other times, yet my parents were so convinced I was going to pass it that it was a huge letdown. They look so disappointed in me they can't even bear to look at me and do not lose a moment to remark how let down they were. I want to crawl into a hole and disappear, or even better die.
All I ask is some support. I am surrounded by people that feel like they hate me. I consider myself a huge disappointment and disaster already, all I am looking for is a little simpathy and for people to tel me that everything will be alright. Because right now I do not believe that a single bit.
Hello there!
I really feel sad reading this thread of yours because somehow I feel the same way as yours. I'm also worries about my studies though I excell on my class, I still do also over thinking on stuffs. I feel like there is always been missing something or I did wrong that could affect my future and my family same as yours.
What I'm saying is we students (under our parents roof) we always wanted to prove ourselves to them, to make them proud but instead, we eventually hurt ourselves by pushing it too hard. I know you can do it. If it the thing you wanted and your that motivated to finish it no matter what, the only thing you need is to believe in yourself and keep a positive thinking. We all do struggle but this stuffs will let go.
I know you can do it, you will survive. Immagine nearly graduating. Like one step ahead of you is your future. Just keep up and go on. You can do it. ❤❤❤
Thank you for responding. Graduations seems like a dream but is also scary. In my country nothing is based on merit and not even a degree will get you far, I'm afraid that once I graduate my parents will be disappointed in me because I will not be able to find a job, especially not one in my area.
Let alone that my parents want the money they spent on the two extra years back, so if I DO find a job, I will literally have to save my earnings for 2 years to pay them back.
@Anxiousley
Hello,
After reading the whole post I couldn't help but feel sad, I am sorry that you have to go through this. It is frustrating to not get the help you need and failure can really bring you down. At times like this its easy to want to give up. As a student I understand what you feel, its hard to manage expectations of other people and the expectation you have for yourself. But I hope you will keep fighting, you're almost at the end of the course! You spent all this time learning and I believe that you can finish it! So keep trying and try to stay positive.
Hope you graduate very soon and get the help you need! Good luck!
@Anxiousley
You are so brave for coming here and telling your story. Thank you for sharing and letting others be with you through all of this. It is a very confusing life to live when you are taught to live for the happiness of others. I grew up very similarly, learning to get good grades and achieve accomplishments according to the standards of my parents. Tonight I’m anxious about the day I spent with my family. I keep relaying everything I did or said and over analyzing each of them. I’m up trying to let go of the expectations they have of me and not let my own mind hurt me. I’m learning to let go and genuinely be myself. One day, you can also learn to let go of the expectations people hold you to and create your own expectations of yourself ❤️ You are supported here and I hope you can find some strategies to help you through this time in your life. 7cups has so many resources! Thanks again for sharing and allowing me to share too.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I do the same thing you do, once I'm back from a family/friends outing I tend to overanalyse what I said. What helps me (and I hope that it helps you too) is to realise that people (even those who do not appreciate you) are self absorbed and probably 90% of what you said would have gone over their head.
Don't focus on them, because the only person whose opinion you shaould care about is you.
It might seem hypocritical form me to say this since I am struggling with a similar issue, however in this instance, this thought brings me relief.
Hi dear.its sad to hear you .I think you have to work hard for your future and Don't think about past.i also have some conditions like you but now I am very much successful than my classmates..so don't look towards past please
Been in your position when I was much younger. All I can tell you is to look forward to your future.
Focus on your studies now. Stay on the path. Don't fall for distractions.
You can make your own future bright when your studies are done and with more options.
Stay strong. You are not alone.
@Anxiousley
Hello,
I can understand what you are going through . Especially when anxiety sets in it is very difficult to focus on anything . In addition to that the pressure the students have to face is terrible . Even I tried to find the meaning to me studying for 8 hours a day for an exam . However , I just figured that all my teachers and parents want is that I pass an exam with flying colours . Trust me , realising this was the most difficult to me and made me so frustrated . Now without any motivation I’m just continuing my studies because it is my duty to complete what I started . Even I want some guidance to this problem .
@Anxiousley
Hi there! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can totally understand what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. Please know that you’re not alone in this! We’re all here to support you in any way you want. You’re definitely not a disappointment or a disaster at all, I’m taking an extra year for school due to the heavy course load and feel worried about doing well in my classes too. and sometimes I feel like i'm making a mistake and second doubt my decision but I know what’s right for me and my mental health. Take it nice and easy, you’ve got this.
You’re definitely not alone in this at all. Everyone struggles in their own way but know that you have support and resources out there to help you as well.
You’ve got this! I believe in you! Imagine your life after you graduate, and try to keep that freedom in mind!