Is this relationship anxiety?
So I have been officially dating my boyfriend for 3 months and we have been seeing each other for 5. Our relationship is great, everything is easy and natural and we get each other, we click really well, we have the same morals and everything and in general everything is just great. I suffer really badly with anxiety but not related to relationships until now, I think.
Heres a back story on my anxiety: I was always anxious as a child, my parents thinking I possibly suffered from separation anxiety. As I grew older my anxiety manifested itself into different things. It gripped onto any fears I had and made them spiral out of control. My anxiety hit an all time high after my grandma died. I was 16/17 years old at this point and had lost so much weight and was in a really bad place. After a lot of hard work and a small bit of counselling, I managed to gain control over my anxiety. During my bad anxiety at this age, I started to doubt my own sexuality. I was out with friends when I suddenly thought I got this urge to kiss one of them. I instantly freaked out and tried to find logic for why I got that feeling. I obsessed over it, seeking reassurance, finding things a major trigger when it told me the feared outcome and was trying to make my own links, trying to make it all make sense. It was all I could think about all day every day and it was causing me so much distress. After a while this soon faded and I realised that it was all just my anxiety talking and now I look back and laugh because I know 100% Im not attracted to women at all and I freaked out over nothing. This story will become more important when I explain how I am feeling now. Fast forward a few years, my anxiety has come back and is worse than ever. It started after I attended a concert I had been looking forward to. I was part of a terrorist attack (Ariana Grande Manchester Arena Bombing) and although this didnt heighten my anxiety (which I am surprised over), it has triggered childhood fears and anxieties (separation anxiety). I was excited and anxious on the day of the concert but it all went fine and I felt great. 2 days later, I went back to work and had the worst panic attack ever due to lack of sleep and food. Since then my anxiety has been really bad and work has been the main cause of it. I have a lot of changes going on in my life and I do not cope well with change.
Hi @Nmbsmith! Thanks for coming to our little corner of 7 Cups to gain support. 
First, a few things about your story. I think it's lovely that you and your boyfriend have such a wonderful relationship! I'm also very sorry that you lost your grandma, and I'm so sorry that you had to experience being in the middle of a terrorist attack. I can't possibly imagine how frightening that must have been for you in the moment. I'm glad that you're safe and still here with us though.
Regarding your question of if you have relationship anxiety, I think you answered yourself in your post. I'm by no means an expert, but from what you've explained (and even stated), you have suffered from separation anxiety in the past and it has come back and you are handling it now too. I think that sometimes separation anxiety may mask itself as relationship anxiety. Here are two definitions I found off of a quick internet search to help separate the two from one another:
Separation Anxiety: refers to excessive fear or worry about separation from home or an attachment figure
Relationship Anxiety: when one or both people in the relationship spend more time in anxious thought about the relationship than tending to the relationship itself
I hope I was able to help you a little bit. Stay strong!
@Emmur thank you for your response. I am so worried that these thoughts mean something. I am constantly asking myself questions like do I really love him? Have I forced myself into this situation? Should I be feeling this way? Should I be having these doubts? Will this relationship last? Was all of this just lust rather than love? And I will get so upset. When he was leaving after visiting for the weekend last weekend, I was literally in tears and didnt want him to go. I was so upset and that was a moment of clarity for me. A few days later and the doubts started again and I was wondering if I even meant it. I have read things online and they just feed into my doubts. One of them being how people knew when to split up and one said that they werent excited to see them anymore and I now cant stop thinking about whether I am excited to see him or not. I have so many questions that go through my mind on a daily basis, its horrible. When I have my moments of clarity, I dont doubt anything and I know Im happy with him and everything feels great, but these are becoming less and less and Im not sure why. I cant tell if its because of the relationship or if it is all just my anxiety.