I wish I could open up about my anxiety
I've been taking piano lessons with my teacher for about a year and a half, and I still get nervous every time I go. I have anxiety and I am also very perfectionistic and I criticize myself so much when I'm playing the piano. Even if I play a song really well, my brain will automatically go, "Oh you're so horrible at this. You should just quit. You're such a failure." It's worse when I'm playing in front of people. I know I shouldn't be nervous in front of my teacher because she's there to help me not to judge me, and I shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes because they're a part of the learning process but I just can't help it. I cannot control my thoughts at all and they overwhelm me so much. Anyways, recently I started shaking when I go to lessons because I'm very tense and worried, and she keeps asking me if I'm okay and seems really concerned for me. I wish I could just open up to her about my anxiety and tell her that I feel nervous when playing, but I'm afraid of her reaction. She's such a wonderful person but I'm afraid she might not care or she'll think I'm strange. I know I'll feel so much better if I talk about how I've really been feeling, but I don't know how to tell her and it's so hard because I never open up about my anxiety to anyone.
It's okay to tell someone you have anxiety. I'm proud of you for continuing going to piano lessons dispite your anxiety. Next time your teacher asks if you are okay, it is okay for you to say "I am anxious." It's also okay for you to tell your teacher that you have anxiety. You are not strange for having it. A lot of people do. I think you will feel better once you talk to your teacher about it. Stay strong! You're amazing.
it's ok!! take your time. you've made a big step on posting on a forum right here. it means you still have hope, it means you really do want to speak up. do not worry. nobody is stopping you from speaking up. you can speak to a friend, teacher or family member when you're feeling like you're ready. it will be all right. keep telling yourself that. it will be just fine. good luck to you!