Not good enough. School stress and anxiety
Cutting straight to the chase, it's lonely. Mom never sees us, my dad comes home at around 2 a.m and my sister has verbal and social disorder. Home is not Home because I never feel the sense of security. Am I just not smart enough? How will my parents notice me? That is why I skipped a grade level, so my parents can be "Wow, my daughter is smart. How nice". Not once in my life have I felt the feeling of merriment because I achieved a goal because no matter what I achieve, no one's there to congratulate me or be proud. I'm still at a young though, in fact, I'm a sophomore in highschool, yet I take junior classes. I'm surrounded by many friends, but I'm at the point where I'd rather spend time with my family... Is it too much to ask for?
My father has anxiety and sometimes I take one or two of his pills a day, of course, with his acknowledgement. It makes me feel numb, almost like a sociopath, but not exactly to that point. I don't have an addiction to it, but I don't want my heart to rely on drugs to make me feel better about myself...please ...help me... Life isn't exactly on my side...
@RedRiri
Hi Red! I'm a mom to a teenager, so my perspective is coming from that angle. I have been fortunate to grow up with parents who were around, and my husband and I are around for our son, and support him in his life. But we also know several kids whose parents don't.
Sometimes these parents just don't have the ability to give that support - a lot of times they may not have received it so they never learned how give it. And sometimes parents think they're providing support (in whatever way they know how) but they aren't - or they're not providing the support that their children want. I heard about one set of parents who "support" their son by forcing him to do a lot of studying, testing, reading, etc. so he can get to the college they want him to go to. And he's completely frazzled because of it.
When we're young, we look for the approval of our parents. Because when we get that approval it shows us we're moving in the right direction. And when we don't get it - no approval, no support - it makes us feel like we don't know what direction we should be moving in. (At least, this is what I've experienced.)
If I can give any advice, or say anything that might help, it's this. Do the best job that you can for you. No one else. You are doing great. Taking advanced classes is amazing. I know how hard it is to take these classes and there's a lot of additional pressure at school because of it. More than anything, be proud of yourself and what you're trying to do.
Do you have extended family you can connect with? Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins? Even if they're not close enough to visit, there's always a phone call, an email, and even a letter or card!
I'm glad you've reached out here. We're all here for you.
@RedRiri I know it's so hard not to believe those negative thoughts but they aren't true. It's really impressive that you're taking advanced classes. That kind of acheivement isn't small and deserves appreciation. It hurts not to be appreciated by the people who are supposed to notice you. I get it. Just remember that you're smart and that you are good enough.