Not sure about anything tbh
I’m 25 f. I’ve been having so much trauma come up and I know that’s a sign that I’m on the right path. But I make bad decisions. I also think everyone is out to spite me. I’ve only been hurt by literally everyone in my life. Because I make bad decisions, I ask for help and then people use what I did against me. I have no self esteem. Relationships: guys always treated me bad. Before I started dating, my friends always made fun of me. I stuck with people as low as me though because I judged others. I have a slight learning disability. Being with miserable people makes me miserable but I’m not well enough to be with happy people and usually the happy people are too happy and don’t want to hang out with a sad person. I have goals and dreams but I either let people dictate me because that’s what my parents did. Yelling and screaming all the time. I think they’re mentally I’ll but they also make fun of people with mental illness. My mom is so ditzy. My dad thinks he’s the smartest person on the planet. I’m sure both of them have done things to hurt me and it feels like on purpose. They tell me they’re good people but I don’t believe it. My friend I live with from college also has no friends and she’s ungrateful and a slob and I moved in with her to go back to school but I hate that she’s so ghetto. She’s lazy too and I don’t want to spend so much on an apartment. I feel like she’s making me spend more money than I need to and then she makes me feel bad for not spending money. She tries to bring me down and it’s so annoying even being around someone like that. I can feel my brain shrinking honestly. I’m stuck. I can’t live with her or at home. I need to get through a 10 month program before I can move when I plan on moving out of state away from all this bs. I want to be fully happy on my own no bs. It’s been too long, I want it so bad but the waiting to be happy is KILLING me.
@lavenderCranberry120
Hey.
How’s it going.
Sounds like you’re going through some upsetting transitions right now; you know what you want and know what you don’t want and are still swinging between the two.
This would cause even the most Buddha-like in nature to throw a massive fit so good for you for claiming the strength, courage and wisdom to reach out instead of internalize.
It is angering when we want to improve ourselves and just be somewhere else - where we are not so deeply and profoundly bothered by our limitations and environment.
Putting ourselves on full blast and letting everyone including the mailman and the birds know exactly what we think may not exactly prove the best way to handle the situation.
What are some things you could do to care for yourself during these most heinous of times? Sometimes in getting by we say something fun or silly that hits in a profound way.
This type of self care mixed with moments of honesty can be poignant enough to fully express what we’re experiencing without undue stress or strain.
You could write down or think of ten ways to nourish yourself this week. And Louise Hay has a good meditation and talk on her YouTube channel - “change and transition”.
A lot of the time we take thing so hard because that’s how they feel.
Learning to take control of how we respond to this absolute shit show can be one of the best (and only) thing we can do about it. And it can open our lives in ways we never even thought possible.
So give it a try. Today, what are one to three things you can do to make it work and do it.
If you like update us on this thread.
Thank you so much! I will check out that YouTube channel and try those exercises :)
