Not sure where to begi

Hi all.

I am not really sure where to start with this kind of thing. Ive never considered going online to find some support and common ailments. But my anxiety has been out of control lately and I just really need a safe place that isnt outside my home. I have an 8 month old and no family support right now.

Im 29 years old, F...Ive suffered from anxiety and depression as long as I can remember. When I was 9 my mother tried to take her life in front of me. She was abusive in every aspect toward me. My earliest memory is my mother dragging me by my hair because I spilled milk.

I have had poor relationships, I had a poor marriage, Ive always struggled to connect. I went to therapy for a while, my therapist retired and I bolted. I got away from the toxicity of my life, got married to a wonderfully understanding man who unfortunately works away for periods of time. Which makes it difficult when a bad bout of anxiety hits. My main source of anxiety is health anxiety: it has been so severe that I lost jobs over it.

I felt better, took what I learned in therapy and applied them...things were okay until last March when my mother in law died without warning, then my daughter was born prematurely, and then I found out my ex husband, the father of my sons, has a rare terminal cancer at 35.

Now my health anxiety is out of control and I feel like I am going crazy all the time on a constant basis. Im not sure what I want out of this forum but I need to find an outlet.