Panic and Paranoia ruin EVERYTHING
I have struggled with anxiety/panic/paranoia for as long as I can remember. This past 12 months has been the worst by far.
My paranoia has consumed me and as I result has destroyed my marriage. My husband and I have been together for 10.5 years (married for 6) and he is in the process of filing for divorce because of the woman I have become. He tells me that for the majority of the time Im not the woman he married and that he doesnt know who I am anymore.
The main source of my paranoia is that he wants another woman. Not just any woman, a close friend of his. She is beautiful and he has admitted that he is attracted to her. If she posts a photo on social media, he likes it. Never misses one. They talk often and at times he has hidden or deleted messages (he said this is because it was easier than dealing with the kick off from me finding out he was talking to her) He doesnt hide when he talks to her now. He has known her for 17 years and when I first met him he told me how much he fancied her, this was when we were just friends so I of course encouraged him to ask her on a date. He never did and we got together.
The thing that seems to drive my paranoia and panic crazy is that he talks to her about our marriage and our problems. He tells me it helps him to vent and clear his head. But she tells him to leave me, encourages him in relation to the divorce and at times has said mean things about me. He doesnt join in with the mean things but he also doesnt defend me or say he doesnt like what shes said/saying. When Ive asked him about this he simply tells me its her opinion and that everyone is entitled to have an opinion. That her opinion does not shape or effect his decisions when it comes to us.
I seem to be stuck in a rut of asking him constant questions. Which he hates, he feels interrogated and like Ive lost the ability to have a normal conversation. And hes right, all I do is bombard him with question after question. Usually about her and how he feels about her and its as if I dont know how to stop.
I feel like Im losing everything and I dont know what to do or where to turn for help.
@GingerRoot
I am sorry this is happening. Take a step back. From what you describe, it sounds like your husband wants out of the relationship. Again from what you said, it doesn't sound like paranoia is there. Your husband has decided he wants to be with someone else. That's a smoking gun! I don't think you are the problem in the relationship. It is not a good place to be for a husband to choose to be with someone different, but please oh please get off the assumption that it is something you did. It really doesn't sound like you are at fault. Healthy couples have problems but work through them.
Keep a journal of events in your life. If someone tells you something different than you remember it, or someone is telling you that you are paranoid, write it down. You must keep this journal each day to record what is really happening. Consider that you think you are paranoid because someone has told you that you are paranoid. It's not paranoia if your husband wants to leave AND immediately be with someone else!
@GingerRoot oh dear hun 12 months is a long time to deal with anxiety. Hugs
Anxiety and other mental health things do unfortunately get in the way of our life....let alone our married lives or close relationships. Mental illness does change us if we leave it untreated or to find some professional support to help us maintain it all and live a productive life. Can I ask is he willing to hold on while you maybe get some help?
I do not know what to share in repsonse to your hubby interested in another woman for so many years, but married to you hunI'd say take some time, not long and really think of what YOU want in this relationship. Where does this other lady stand? What does your husband truly want? More so it's what you want and be ok with it hun. As focusing on mental health is stressful enough. hugs
With you asking questions and him being irritated it sounds from this end there are some trust issues there. Is he willing to do some marriage counseling? Or maybe have the 3 of you sit down and chat on things and solutions? There is many things you could do to help this relationship, but first you have to take care of you. You can not change how your hubby is thinking or feeling concerning the marriage or the other lady. Once you are in a good place maybe you can fully work on this marriage I do wish you much hope and faith in this all!
