Self-Isolation Decision - Good or Bad?
Hi there, I am Alleyne. Due to friendship problems, I decided it is best if I self-isolate myself from everyone who can only contact me via online interaction. I didn't cut off all contact, but I decided to stay off all instant messengers so no one can contact me except through slower methods like e-mail. I don't share my phone number, so they can't contact me that way either. I did give the option of e-mail for an emergency, but other than that, I said I will not respond to anything.
I made this decision because I feel like my friends are liars and not being honest about how much I burden them. Therefore I feel I am giving them what they truly want by distancing myself entirely and not giving them the option to speak to me. I'm always the person who has to message others first, and I feel like my kindness and presence is taken for granted. The fact that no one tried to contact me anyway is just a sign to me that my fears are correct and that I am really not worth fighting for. This was kind of a test to see how dedicated they really were, and not a single one bothered to fight and say "no please don't do this."
Was it, therefore, a good idea that I decided to completely isolate myself? By the way, I have no friends in person. Every friend I have is online and are too far away to physically get in contact with me.
@Alleynia
I feel and have felt the same feeling and it takes your mind to dark places and I tend to turn all my emotions inward and punish myself. Such as cutting people off. In hindsight, I'm even lonlier.
I would like to talk to you more about this. I have to go to work but I wanted to reply because I could relate and I since no one had replied yet I wanted you to know that our were heard! That's one of my issues, feeling like no body hears what I have to say then my mind spirals downward even more.
I will reply again later and share some of my feelings related to yours. If you only have contact with people online then hopefully you are willing to have a chat with me. It can be about anything!
Hope you have a good day! Hopefully chat with you soon!
@EnergySensitive
Thank you for responding and showing sympathy for my situation. It is easier to shut down, but it does get lonely. I'm really torn because part of me feels this was the right thing to do while another part remains unsure.
@Alleynia,
If you feel like your friends take you for granted or only you look for contact with them,then you are right it's not an OK situation for you.Friendship is a two-way street,giving and taking just the way it is in every relationship.So ,if you feel like there is something wrong with how you feel and you don't feel like you are appreciated enough,then you have the right to feel how you feel.Take your time to think things over and maybe when you are ready,you can try talking to them in an open,honest way,say how you feel,see what they have to say about it and go from there.You don't need to decide everything on the spur of the moment,think about it and then act,when you feel calm and collected and not so hurt!If they don't seem to get your point of view and are not willing to compromise,it's time for you to look for new friends !
@intellectualCake2979
A monk gave me similar advise. He said my current friends are "no good" and that I should expand my social circle to people who genuinely do want to spend time with me, but at this point, I do not know what "better friends" really are.
I had a fallout with someone who I thought understood me very well and sympathized with me completely. In the end, she still didn't understand my situation and left for the sake of putting her own needs first. I tire of this. I put my needs aside or the people I love, sometimes to the point where I lose sleep about it, and yet no "friend" I've had was willing to make the same sacrifice. At this point, no one is worth my time and energy.
@Alleynia,
Hope you are doing better now!Don't lose your sleep over worries about friends,learn to value your tie and energy ,to value yourself first,don't be people-pleaser,who puts every ody's wants a d needs first.Ha e compassion for you,take care of your needs first,prctise self-care e very day and get in touch with your own feelings.aWhen you become a healthy individual,you will attract the right people in your life.If you are a peolle-pleaser,you will attract people who will take advantage of you.Remember-you can"t control other people's behaviour but you are in control of the way you respond to their behaviour,you are responsible for the way you allow other people to treat you!Good luck and take car! :)
@Alleynia
Sorry for the spelling mistakes,hope you get the meaning,when Ishould check my posts for spelling! :)
@Alleynia
So, I just typed this long post to you and my tablet shut down. The whole thing gone!!!!! So I'm going to try again to get my words out in a thought out way that is understandable and easy to follow.
I have pushed people away many many times in my life. I never did it all at once in the way that you have but over the years I shut many people out. Granted some we're good choices, friendships that were not healthy per say. Others I pushed away because I assumed I didn't matter. Having depression makes you interpret everything negative. I know for me what I believe is not always true from the other side. If a friend couldn't hang out I immediately turned it in wards on myself. They didn't want to hang out with me because I suck. I'm a horrible person and burden. I wholeheartedly believed the negative because of my own self hatred. Depression just messes with your mind. In many cases I now know what I thought was not true.
Two years ago my life changed forever due to certain events that took place. The depression from the events made me withdrawal from basically everyone. I detached myself so much that I now am detached from life. I am not living, I'm outside watching people live. I basically have become disassociated from myself. Like I said I'm watching. Now I don't know how to reassociate with life. I feel like I'm above watching people living and watching my life crumble around me. I honestly don't know if the disassociation stems from just the events I went through or if because I withdrew so much. I cut people out because I felt bad about myself because of how I was handling things. I believed no one really cared, I didn't matter, I was a burden. I should rephrase to I believe I don't matter, I'm a horrible person, and all the other negative thoughts.
I wanted to share my experience with you because believing those negative thoughts and pushing people away has only, in the long run, made me more depressed. I'm not living. I've detached from reality and it's scary and now I'm alone.
Some of those you cut out were probably a good decision. But spend some time and think about each person you shut out. Ask yourself, was it out of haste? Is my self esteem leading me to believe this? Did anyone I cut out help me in anyway? It's hard, but just try to think, without your self worth being involved, and see if you can see anyone in a different positive light. The way a person without depression may think.
I wanted to share my story with you because the way I'm living now is
@EnergySensitive
Sorry, I had to post because my tablet was acting weird again and i didnt want to lose everything again!!!!
Basically I don't want you to end up like me. Not knowing what reality is anymore. People need human interaction to survive. Even if you only choose one person. Do not let yourself drift so far away that you get out of touch with reality. My decisions have led me to a place so dark and alone that I've begun to hallucinate. Being so alone with dark thoughts and beliefs takes you to a different realm of life. Like parrarell worlds.
I'm no professional by any means, I'm on the brink of Insanity! But I wanted to at least share my story with you in hopes that I've helped in some way. I'm here if you want to talk anymore. It's probably good for both of us!!
If you choose to not respond I sincerely hope things work out for you. Just don't lose touch with reality, it's scarier than where you are now..
@EnergySensitive
Hello again. I read through your posts, and I do think you are in a worse situation than me, but I can sympathize with feeling like an outsider gazing in from afar. Personally, I am used to this since I have lived my entire life with very little social interactions, even as a child, so I do not feel bothered about looking at others' lives from a distance. I don't, however, feel like the world is crumbling around me like you described. I just feel like I myself am a liability at this point and not worth it to spend time around.
Sometimes it's even harder when people really insist otherwise but don't really know the real you. I feel like a lot of my friends only superficially know me. Once they get to know the real me, they detach and want nothing to do with me. So at this point, it seems better just to be completely alone and no longer give anyone the option to talk to me.
I still have my mom who I live with, but in terms of non-family interactions, I feel as if they are all completely useless at this point. Pretty much all my grief has come from trying to be friends and make friends. It seems easy to just say "find better people," but I really do not know what better is at this point. I'm sure you probably feel the same way.
@Alleynia,
Do not always think about how people see you or want from you.Think about how YOU see yourself,what YOU think of you ,whether your wants or needs are being met.Treat yourself as your best friend,stop caring whether someone will like you are accept you,it is for them to decide,you should do what is good for you,if they like you for that,good for them,if they don't ,it is their problem,not yours.You can't meet other people's needs and not your own!It is not healthy for you!Find the reasons behind the things you do,change things for the better,learn to know you and you will attract same people into your life!Take care! :)
@EnergySensitive,
Hope you are doing better now!You know that disassociation is a kind of topic mechanism for us,when we feel like we can't handle it anymore,the human mind the D's to disassociate from the situation if it is too stressful,but it is ok if it is not a lasting way of dealing g with problems because it does not sole anything,it just shuts down dealing with problems.In order to be able to interact with people,healthy individuals,you should be a healthy person,as well.So,we should try to identify what makes us disassociate,if we actually come to the state we try to justify this disassociation and not do anything to come out of it.I am not a therapist or something but I have read quite a bit and watched videos on co-dependency issues.What have you tried to do to come out of the situation,what are your strategies,there are sites where people meet to discuss hobbies,common interests,meet-up groups etc.If you have given up on trying,who will do the work for you to change things for the better?Some isolation is good,gi es you time and space to sort your thoughts out but if you don't like it,what next? :)
@EnergySensitive,
Me personally have come to the point where I would rather be alone than be with somebody who is designed in me off of my energy,always trying to entangle me with their nonsense or problems,to listen to their crap as if I don't have my own to deal with!No,I am ok on my own,gives me the chance to hear my own thoughts,not be around noise and superficial talk all the time.I care to listen to people who have something real or deep to say,not waste my time just because I want to have company.Years ago I blamed myself that I was not everybody's favourite,but not now.I can't make people like me and I don't want to,it is not necessary,if I like me,then it's ok,the rest will take care of itself.For me quality comes before quantity and it goes for people as well!:)
It
@RecoveringFlower
It's not that I fear them, rather, that I know they fear me. Whenever I feel suicidal, they feel upset because I don't think about them. It's like, "come on. You want me to think about you when you're not even around when I'm most stable?"
I don't fear interacting with people. In fact, I have no problems talking to people. What I don't have interest in anymore is trying to open my heart to others since I know I'm just going to disappoint them or push them away. It seems like a completely pointless waste of energy when I'm always the one who is much affectionate. Now I feel no one is worth my affections.