Spiraling Today
Yesterday, despite all my worries, I felt okay. Today, I'm a mess. I'm panicking over all the health issues I'm having right now. Going over conversations in my head with one of the doctors which got me to thinking about my blood pressure, so I had to check it. It's high. And of course the anxiety is just ramping everything up. Some days I just want to go and sit in the doctor's office and just tell them I'm not leaving until they fix everything that's going on with me.
I hate feeling scared and frazzled. It just makes everything worse. It's one horrible, spiraling circle.
@thoughtfulmommaI know how you feel, I have high anxety and stress and ended up in hospital recently have collapsing. Work is stressing me out and doctorss dont seem to be helping. Awaiting so many assessments and they wont rush and need a monitor fitting, seems like a complete joke.
@rechnin
The waiting brings on extra anxiety, doesn't it? I have three appointments next week and will be getting at least two more scheduled. Today, though, I'm dwelling on my blood pressure and I'm wondering if it was high BP that made me feel bad several weeks ago instead of allergies. Who knows. I have a BP cuff here at home so I guess that brings some comfort. It may not be completely accurate but I can keep an eye on things. Sitting here alone makes it all worse.
Maybe I'll get some exercise in (that's supposed to help). All these health problems make me afraid to move. :(
@thoughtfulmomma
Again, sadly, I think I know how you feel.
The waiting doesn't help and certainly not helped if your doctors are useless. I am trying to book in various things but even that is a nightmare when working, bit, woring from home again so this might be easier. Blood Pressure is a hard one as well as it doesn't help, especially with stress and anxiety.
Nothing worse than being alone in this time, there are always people on here you can talk to and exercise is menat to be a good thing, but, the opposite can also be an issue, as I will explain if you wish to read the rest of my message...
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Thys is me, I guess, venting some.
I also high blood pressure and keep forgetting to take my tablets. Work keeping badgering me to do things then complains when I stress out and have melt down, would be good if they could just leave me to get on with what I know (like when I was excelling doing the post). But no, that would be too usefeul. They also don't seem to understand that when I am stressed I make more mistakes and, this might just be me, I think this makes my Dyslexia and Dyscalculia symptoms worse which means I make even more mistakes, and the cycle continues.
That brings in the Stress and Anxiety which don't help the situation any and Ithey can all be tied n as one leads to/empowers the other. On top of this is suspect I might be Autistic or Asupergers (undiagnosed) which means that I tend to focus on a lot of the above issues which again makes things worse again.
Exercise is meant to be a good thing and can help, but, I have to be careful as I have an arthymia and, with everything above, I tend to get fixated and try to do too much which then wastes me out and I feel tired for days or have an attacj and end up dizzy or out comepletely.
I feel that if I do get a Autism or Auspergers diagnosis, things will come together its not just me. But, I hope the same would happen when I got my Dyslexia and Dyscalculia result and they sem to have only made things worse in some respects.
What is there to do?
@rechnin
I'm sorry you're struggling. The unknown and wondering make everything worse. I completely get it. When you feel good the day is good and you can get your work done. When you feel bad, nothing happens. Nothing feels right and it's impossible to get any work done. And then you feel worse, which means you get less done, which makes you feel worse, which gets less done.... and on and on.
I did get out for a great, long walk yesterday and it really made me feel better. I know it will help me. I just need to do it. And my blood pressure was better this morning because of it. Still high, but definitely better than yesterday.
We just need to take things one day at a time. I was reading an article about the "relaxation response" which I'm starting to do (I meditate already, but wanted to try this out). Maybe it will help you, too.
@thoughtfulmomma
That is exactely how I am at the moment, like things are spiralling out of control and, even despite being back working at home doesn't seem to be helping. I feel like no one understands what is going on or shows only the minimum interest needed, that is until it s too late.
That is making me think of making a change (and everyone around me keep saying I should) but this makes it worse, If I move somewhere new will it be any better? Will everything just start all over again and I will just got back to bouncing from role to role.
I feel that getting a diagnosis might help, and the opposite not, or if I could just get better CBT. Also, I know that lockdown is making everything 30 times worse, but, just seem trapped.
Are there any employers or jobs out there that are not self-interested, more understanding and not stats based?
@rechnin
Trying to explain anxiety to someone who has never felt it is like an astronaut trying to explain to everyone else what it's like to be in space. If you haven't experienced it you cannot possibly even begin to understand it.
When I'm having a particular hard anxiety moment, especially when I'm spiralling, I try to talk to people but mostly what I get is "you just need to relax" and "you're fine, it'll pass." I don't want that. I know they can't help me, but honestly, I'd just want a hug and for someone to say "I've got you. Feel how you need to feel and I'll hug you until it passes." It's support. I just want support.
I hope today is going a little better for you. I've been monitoring my pressure daily now, and it was better this morning. I actually got a decent night's sleep and had a nice evening yesterday, so maybe that helped. Well, there is no maybe. Of course it helped. Doing things other than thinking about all of my health problems alleviates so much stress.
Hopefully we can both get outside today for some fresh air, some sunshine, and just find a few minutes to relax, breathe deeply and care for ourselves.
As for employers who care...they're out there, but hard to find. Sometimes making a change is a good. Moving? I don't know. Are you moving toward something or moving away from something. That makes all the difference in whether or not the change will be good or bad - or at least not really a change at all.
@thoughtfulmomma
And I have made a note of that website, thanks.
@thoughtfulmomma
I am sorry you are struggling right now. Anxiety is such a monster and I know the back and forth with the doctors just makes everything worse. Do you have a park nearby or an easy hiking trail in driving distance and the ability to walk about 30 mins a day outside? If so, please try walking 30 mins in nature every day. Getting out, smelling the clean air, stretching your legs can help with both blood pressure and anxiety. It's like free medicine with no side effects! Good luck and I wish you the best!
I am glad that people seem to be coping better, I am hopign this continue for everyone who has posted in here>
It is hard to explain to people how it feels and even hard if those listening are unresponsive or not interested. I feel that this is going to be one of the biggest problems for the next few decades, if its not already, as people and employers don't understand and or simply don't care about the little people.
I too hate the "You'll be fine" attittude, like it is just a passing feeling. almost a whim and not something that some people have to live with constatly. Mine has been a recent development, and near constant and I dont udnerstand why, which makes it all worse. I assume the current world crisis isn't helping.
Support is always good, and I hope everyone has at least one person aroud then who they can really trust, I assume most fo these will be friends, family and maybe even professional help.. I feel that a lot of the time support si so superficial and only what needs to be done to give the right image, not offer any real support.
Last few days have been pretty good, went out for a walk yester for about half an hour and done about the same in the garden today. I really wnat to do some gaming stuff, but, have mainly sat looking at the PC screen for much of this morning. Have a few sidelines planned to get my mind off things, I just need to push myself and actually get on eith them.
Sleep doesn't seem too much of a problem for me, bat the fact I don't get enough as I need to get more and get to bed much earlier.
Maing the change... this is the longest I have ever stayed in the same role, just over fuve years, but the last two tears have been a downward slope. Before that i was really ahppy an enjoying what I was doing and was a productive team member. Then stats came in and thing have begun to slide. Everyone around me, ex-colleages, friends and family keep telling me I need to find something esle but there is something helding me here. Itsnever really bothered me so much before, so, why now?
I originally set myself the goal of seeing what this year's annual review result would be (as I thought last year's was ridiculous) and these would be some time in March. It also looks like we might be offered the chance to work from home, which would be good, so, would this be a good idea? Can I hold on that long if things continue as they are?
