Suicide survivors
Those of us left behind after a successful suicide are destroyed. I have anxiety and panic attacks I never had before. My psychiatrist says I also have PTSD because I found my son him on his bed after putting a bullet through his brain. I was frantically looking for a pulse and couldn't find one. He died so fast. I was checking for a pulse not even 5 minutes after he did it and we heard the gunshot. I will never be the person I used to be, nor will I become the person I would have become if my son had not done this. I felt safe with him here. I felt safe if I had to run errands at night. I knew how would take care of me, he was 30 years old and I needed his help with a great deal. I can't figure out why he did it! What happened to suddenly cause him to do this? He was having lots of pain and constant vomiting from going off a migraine medication called Aimovig. We knew it could be a year or more with these withdrawal system but I really believed he would be able to get through it. His dentist broke the bone in his face up to the orbital socket and wouldn't give him pain medication. His psychiatrist was doing everything sh could to help him but he never told anyone that he was wanting to kill himself. He killed the person I used to be when he did that. He was my only child. I'm not a mother anymore, I don't know what I am........
@NightWitch
This is really heartbreaking I'm so sorry 😔
Please take care of yourself and do what helps you feel better you are allowed to take your time and grieve in your own way. ❤
@NightWitch
I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my sister to suicide. She was 42 and hurts everyday. Society's narrative around suicide makes you think there has to be a logical reason, but there isn't for something so terrible. My sister was bright and lived a great life and one day she had a mental breakdown and was never the same. 6 months later she was gone, and there is no explanation that will ever make sense. It's an illness we don't understand.
I have found solace in the community that cared for her and and cares for me. Finding groups to share your experience in suicide survivors can also help. It's good to share the stories rather than keep them in the dark - I hope you can find the light you need. Sending you thoughts of love and light.
@NightWitch
My heart goes out to you as you grieve the loss of your child. I can sense that you're experiencing physical and emotional pain. Anguish, intrusive thoughts, doubt and questions without an answer will naturally take a toll on every aspect of your life, and I want to encourage you to be gentle with yourself because the pain cannot be ignored. Do not hesitate to come here and share your pains, we care and want to be a shoulder for you to lean on. I wish you peace and serenity.
