The "College Experience"
I'm extremely new to this website, and I don't exactly know what I'm doing but I'll give it a go. I'm 18 and I attend university. In fact, my university is known as one of the biggest if not the biggest party schools in the country. Well, I've been here nearly a month, and I haven't made one friend or attended a single event. I spent months telling myself that my social anxiety was due to my environment and that I would flourish when I finally moved out on my own. But that happy illusion has quickly faded. I'm typing this as I just spend the day sitting alone in my room while my other 3 roommates were out presumedly having a good time. It shouldn't be this hard to make friends. And it isn't, based on what I see other people experiencing. The more time passes, the more alone I feel and the more anxious I get just walking around campus or riding the elevator with a stranger. So I just wanted somewhere to rant, but I guess I should end this post off by asking for any advice. Really, anything would be helpful.
Hi there, I'm also a newbie here and I've experienced uneasy feeling just likes you. I am not very good at English so please ignore if I made some mistakes.
I also guess action is the only way to release us in this situation. The fear of exposing myself to the publics haunt me so much that I wish I could stayed at home for the rest of my life. However, if I always acts like that, I will never achieve success in my life. Thats why I try my best to do the thing I hate the most - talking to anyone I could approach.
And you too. You have the courage to seek for help of strangers in this forum, then you can, and you will definitely overcome your social anxiety.
If you need someone to share your emotions in this challenging journey, you can talk to me. I'm in the same position like you, so I may partly understand your feelings.
Good luck to you my friend <3.
@horrorfan123
Hello! First off, welcome to 7 Cups! You can actually use the chat feature to speak to individual listeners on here (like myself), or browse through here if you’d like: https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/.
I’m sorry your first month at university is going this way - making friends can be even more daunting in a completely new environment. But one thing that you said really caught my attention: if you start attending events hosted by the university, or club events, or even frat parties (but be careful there), then there’s no way you won’t meet new, likeminded people! I’d suggest you take the first step and get out there - all these others that you see making friends quickly have probably gone through the same routine. Interacting with people during/between classes is also a good way to make friends - I met many of my current friends while complaining about the course load during class hours!
Also - and this might sound a little obvious - I’m not sure if you’re not friends with your roommates because they’re not your type of person, but starting conversations with them is also something you could do!
There’s honestly a lot of opportunities you get to find people to talk to and make friends at university, but - repeating this again - you gotta start going to the events.
Just gonna add that please don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t seem to make friends as quickly as others around you. Personally, it takes me a lot of time to make friends too - and you said you have social anxiety, so give yourself the time you need. But that doesn’t mean you won’t find people who are accepting of your needs and who you enjoy spending time with, at all :)
If there’s anything else that’s bothering you, you can PM me any time! Hope it goes well for you 🤍
@horrorfan123
Welcome to 7Cups. So glad you found us! I want to start this off by saying: you are not alone!
I know that sounds so...fake. But I'm a mom to a college student, and so I'm in a lot of different parent groups talking to parents across the country (and world). 80% of what parents are talking about is that their sons and daughters are struggling to find friends, and they're spending a lot of time alone, and they're feeling bad.
I tell you this because I want you to know that when you look around your dorm or classrooms or campus, understand that those other students you see are also struggling. Yes, some people can just start talking to everyone, do everything and have tons of people to do things with all the time. But most people can't. It takes time.
And freshman year at college is tough because you're having to learn a new place to live, a new routine, new classes, teachers...and new friends.
Sometimes dorms have activities they do together. I would suggest starting there to participate in something. If they don't do that, browse the different types of groups on campus and find one that really fits you and something you like to do. I guarantee you there's probably one for people who have social anxiety or similar. Shy people. Something like that.
Start small. Do not compare your relationships and how you make friends with anyone else. Do what's best for you and what makes you feel comfortable. Don't worry about what other kids are doing. They're doing what works for them.
