The key's in the ignition, but it won't turn over.
If the sun rises a minute late,
If the stars are unaligned,
If the engine won't turn over,
I WON'T EVEN NOTICE. That is a time period when I am so overwhelmed that I don't even realize it. That is what it's like 99% of the time when I try to write a paper. That's why my freshman year of college I sent an email to my art history professor at 2 AM to explain why I was ashamed to go to class for two weeks after I was supposed to turn in a paper on Leonardo DaVinci. I barely wrote the introduction.
I'm not stupid and I'm not even a bad writer. In fifth grade, the state required the grade to take part in a writing assessment scaled 1 to 6. I scored a 6 and a free lunch at the local Mexican restaurant. In eighth grade, we tested again in this assessment; unfortunately, I moved before I could see the results and the new school did not receive them. Later on, my English subscore on the ACT was 35. For a semester, I even produced papers of such quality that my English professor recommended I enter a writing competition, where I won $150 and attended a fancy awards banquet.
I know that I can write. I know how to recognize slanted language and biases. I frequently analyze things in my surroundings, including texts, videos, audio, and graphics. I notice things and critique well in my major, graphic design. I know the questions to ask and what is or isn't appropriate. The problem is not my ability; it's tapping into it.
I felt all week like I could write a paper on Hildegard of Bingen no problem for my current art history class. I've been reading about her for a couple of weeks and I've memorized most of Hildegard's early history. I'm roughly two paragraphs shy of completing the paper-- the same quota I held at one o'clock today when the paper was due. For some reason, any task of writing brings forth an insurmountable writer's block.
I know how to write. I've done it before. I even enjoy it on nights when the mood is right and the thoughts flow free. But 99% of the time, if there are any thoughts at all they do not flow freely. They hide under a layer of cotton batting; I can see glimpses of what's below, but not enough to understand. Writer's block is the most crippling aspect of anxiety in the fifty-point turn we call post-secondary education. It hinders not only papers but progress. It consumes time that could be better spent addressing another obligation and fills me with guilt when I dare to engage in leisure. It forces me to experiment with mood and brain function supplements in search of that perfect combination that will start the engine when I turn the key.
@mimsmere3 I'm sorry that you have been struggling with this anxiety and writer's block. I can imagine how frustrating it must be to know that you have the ability but you are stuggling to show it. I don't know if you are familiar with Dr. Goldberry Long? She is a creative writing professor at the Univeristy of California Riverside. Her classes and research focused solely on this: how to overcome procrastination.
Simply put we have been taught the writing process incorrectly from when we were young children in school. As adults, we don't need to go through all those steps and we were not taught the steps we need to go through for our level critical thinking and writing. Obviously you know how to write, your awards are a testiment to that, but it is possible that your thinking about what you need to do in order to start writing is completely wrong. It's the amount of time wasted trying ot conform to a broken system that often breaks our spirit to write because we are discouraged.
I recommend looking into her work if you can but simple things to remember the next time you sit down to write:
You don't need to start from the beginning - if you can think of a great body paragraph or a wonderful argument for your paper, write it down as soon as you think it. You can worry about fitting it in with the rest of the paper later. It's much more important to write down good ideas first and edit later.
You don't need to write the perfect combination - The first draft is not about writing it down perfectly; the first draft is about writing it down. It is said that perfectionists are almost always procrastinators because their fear of getting it done wrong paralyzes them into not getting it done at all.
When you really have no idea what to write, practice Power Writing - power writing is when you simply write nonstop for a predetermined amount of time. No editing just writing. When preparing to power write it is a good idea to have a time ready, have a simple prompt you want to answer (probably not your main paper but one aspect of the paper) and something covering the screen so you can't see what you are writing. After you start the timer you simply write everything you can think of (doesn't matter if it is related to the prompt or not, do not stop moving your fingers over the keyboard or stop moving the pen across the paper). This is not the time to think about spelling, grammar, or sentence structure. When the timer is up you can take a look at what you have and start editing. You will be suprised by how much you can write when you are not allowed to stop and you will be even more suprised by the ideas that flowed out and how much of the writing is usable for your final paper.
I hope this helps. I know this was posted a while ago and I'm sorry that you haven't recieved a reply before now. I hope you are doing better but if not, maybe these tips can help.