Thoughtvomit #2.

So, I think it was yesterday or the day before that (or something like that) that I realized a part (B I G part) of my anxiety in the evenings is 'cause by me doing normal things during the day and getting physically tired to the point where I just CAN'T function mentally.

Now here's the problem....

1. I keep telling people ("professionals") that I am tired, I can't do this, this or that. I get told by the same people that they do not believe that I am "Tired".

2. This realization means that I will have to a) tell my therapist about it and somehow convince her that my raised anxiety level from the past year is due to my worsening physical symptoms (my stomach doesn't work right, I need a cane to walk due to pain & dizziness, I am constantly tired, my body doesn't apparently handle vitamins the way it's supposed to) and B ) get people to understand the difference between my PHYSICAL tiredness and MENTAL tiredness.

3. I will have to be a hound dog when it comes to getting myself a somatic diagnosis and treatment, because the last time I got told a) I need to lose weight and things will get SO MUCH better and B ) it's too easy to put my symptoms under category of "Stress" and "Anxiety" and "Depression".

I have one HELL of a time ahead of me trying to get my physical body into "shape" (as in get my body the things it needs.)

The Irony in all of this is that my therapist and doctor BOTH have repeatedly told me that the condition of my physical body affects my mental state and my mental state affects my physical condition, but for some reason.... I'm only "allowed" treatment for ONE of the two.

Oh and a bonus above all of this? I only realized a week or so ago that "Growing Pains" is actually a real thing. As in, children DO wake up in the middle of the night of crippling pain in their legs and arms. I've been told since I was a kid that it was "nothing" and just told to go back to sleep. When I was in so much pain that I WOKE UP from sleep and could't go back to sleep, sometimes for hours. Nice parenting. AGAIN.