Too afraid to get a job
My dad is self made. He is extremely smart and has created a business that has been my family's sole source of income for the past 15+ years.
I am extremely thankful my parents have worked from home my whole life and weren't gone all day, however this mindset that my dad has about creating your own business and never working for anyone but yourself has created a lot of pressure from him when it comes to me getting a "normal" job. I've had 3, first one was at a toy store when I was 18. Every time I mentioned I was applying, had an interview, or got the job my parents were both disappointed that I'd be so busy at work, and couldn't be at home with them or take trips with them. I understand where they are coming from, however I have no idea how to start my own business, or work for myself. I really enjoy a set schedule and when I'm off, I'm really off.
Now, I've moved out with my girlfriend and a roommate and I am out of a job. I left my last job in September and haven't had one since, despite the fact I've been applying to somewhere almost every day. I have this extreme anxiety about applying because if I actually get the job , I'll have to tell my parents that I have again gotten a "normal" job and that I wouldn't be working for my dad's business.
It makes me really sad that I don't feel the support from my parents when it comes to making money for myself.
Hi @AutumnLeaves95 . Parents expectations are really difficult to handle. There are no easy answers.
I am not sure if you are working for your father's business but if you are is he a good boss to work for. Maybe he wants to have you take over the business at some point. It might pay a lot more than working for someone else.
On the other hand if they expect you to create your own business, that is not easy.
I am not sure if this will speak to the issues you have with your family, but it has helped me. https://www.7cups.com/family-stress/
@soulsings thank you for your response, I really appreciate it!
My dad thinks much differently than I, and has a different work ethic. He could pass a test without studying for it, type of smarts. I on the other hand need very clear instructions that I can memorize in order to get a job done. So in the past when we've discussed having me join his company, he never trained me or told me what I'd be doing exactly..so that made me realize how difficult it would be to work for him.
I am beginning to think it's time for that discussion again however, and try to express how I feel, whether he hears it or not.
@AutumnLeaves95
When visualizing our future, not everybody can say this is what I want to be doing, and even those who can, often change their minds once theyre there, or even along the way. Thats totally human.
Brick and mortar businesses are hard to establish and be maintained in this era— a lot of business is moving online. Your father set a great example for you, but his path is one of many that could be viable for you. His path isnt yours. I can see why your parents have such high expectations of you— they know what youre capable of, and what your potential could be. However, not everybody wakes up one day like I am going to be the CEO of my own company, everyone has to follow their own journey.
There is nothing wrong with getting a normal job. Not having that support or encouragement must be frustrating when there is nothing shameful about earning a living in the most common way— applying for jobs within existing companies.
Maybe this would be a great time to figure out what your core values are— because when we pursue a path that aligns with our values, were often satisfied no matter where it takes us. It influences what were working toward.
This is a site that gives you an idea of how to figure out what your core values are, and there are many more like them, so feel welcome to browse around if youd like to see what else is available to you: https://www.cmu.edu/career/documents/my-career-path-activities/values-exercise.pdf
This is your life to live. Best wishes, my friend.
@zaatarHoney wow, that PDF you posted is amazing and I will definitely do the writing excercise.
Your response actually made me tear up a little just reading the words, it's okay to get a normal job, meant a lot. Sometimes I have a habit of turning my tiny fears into huge monsters and I forget the true issue is really a small one.
I also remebered a tool I learned in a program I attend that says , "Don't should yourself" , meaning don't keep saying I Should do this, I Should be doing that...
@AutumnLeaves95
*Huuugs* Awwe! If youd like to update us on your core values, I know I would love to see them!
I have the most faith that youll find the right path for you— even if sometimes, it doesnt make sense to anyone else around you. This is your time to go through your own process— where you can try and fail, pivot, try again and succeed.
One day, youll look back on all the memories youre creating right now because theyll have impacted the person you become.. so never give up and as you recognize your strengths and assets, never sell yourself short. ♡
~zaat
@zaatarHoney
So, I was able to sit down today after some work I did for a friend and write out my values based off of the list, and then narrow it down to my core values.
Some thoughts while creating this list; I felt sad about a couple of values that I simply don't feel at the moment. For example, happiness and joyfullness..I don't know that I truly feel those as of late, but I also think that it would be good to revisit this throughout the year and see how they differ! I know I am very capable of feeling happiness in my life, but for the first time doing this exercise, I believe my anxiety has shaded those feelings for now.
Anyways, I was able to narrow it down to three core values from that 3 groupings I made: Intuition, Humor, and Growth.
I feel like no matter what is happening in my life, or at the present moment, I have learned to turn to my intuition about situations, or people. Sometimes it's difficult to trust my intuition, but I'm working on it :)
I always loved that I have a good sense of humor. I love how often I can make my family laugh, and when I meet new people I am always trying to find a way to make a joke or pun. I also can make myself laugh to the point of tears, even if no one else is laughing :P
Finally, growth. I know I feel stuck in a rut right now, but I can also see how far i've come. I will always have struggles and bumps in the road, but I can look back at past situations and see how I overcame those, and trust that this too shall pass. Thinking of the very first time I created an account on this website, I was in such a different place and I have grown so much in the past few years, that one day ill be able to look back at this time in my life and see how far i've grown.
Thank you so much for suggesting this exercise, I wrote it all out into my Passion Planner (highly recommend) so that ill always have it on me to look at, or redo when I feel like I need to revisit and remind myself of my core values. I even plan on suggesting the exercise to my girlfriend and family members who might be interested. <3
@AutumnLeaves95
Intuition, Humor, and Growth. That sounds soooo perfect for this phase of your life.
Core Values can change depending on where youre at, and what becomes relevant/important in life.
But these three feel like a solid foundation to build a life you can love off of. ♡ ^—^
I know we have only recently connected, but I am so proud of your growth. Theres such a light you emit in your online presence alone, feel welcome to stay in touch with me, and our lil ol community.
PS— I am so glad this is an exercise you want to share with those you love! And +100 points for having and using a passion planner! Thats so neat!
