Trying to figure it out..

@JarF97

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

All of my thoughts have to do with bad things or perceived bad things I have done to my boyfriend either in the first months when we first started dating or before, (I can completly relate to this, these thoughts can be quite hard to just get them out. I do feel this has to do with having a hard time letting go, trouble with forgiving yourself, shame and an inner critic voice thats always judging you and bringing stuff up just like a parent would.) and I can only feel relief from the thoughts when I confess them. (I could see why you would feel this way, once you share them is where you feel a lot better and in a way it gets them out of your mind for the time being since they often come up) Majority of the time he would have rather I not tell him because its in the past and he wants to focus on the present. I do too but my head tells me I cant.(I could see it is very difficult for you to get past those thoughts, i can completly empathize with this because of how frequent they can become. One important thing to never do is avoid or distract how you feel when they come, its key to accept they have come. Another thing that would help is to break down those thoughts, and see whether its the anxiety, you or the inner critic voice thats playing a role here) It causes extreme anxiety though, and feelings of guilt and worthlessness. (Guit can be so hurtful, its like blocks the path of forgiveness and compassion of what happened. If you had a friend in your shoes, would you be critical of them or compassionate? and what makes you feel worthlessness?)