Working, studying, going insane
Has anyone else felt like they are slowly or maybe not slowly losing all sanity? I certianly do. I am currently working full time at a great firm who offered me a job to become an associate long term contingent on me passing the bar exam. And i am also studying as many hours as I can cram for the bar exam. The bar exam makes me face subjects like property, my first C ever in my entire life, and subjects i never studied like family law or secured transactions. Long story short. I feel unprepared, dumb, and am questioning how everyone else is seemingly handling everything fine. What is wrong with me? Why am I so dumb? If i do fail the bar, which I fear I am heading.... I lose my job, and I dont really have an amazing gpa or all the job offers to handle that blow.... everyone will know because it will be posted publicly (the list of those who pass) and I dont know quite honestly if I would be okay. I am scared. The stress is bringing back bad nightmares constantly. So not only do I get to have an increased heart rate, feel like I am drowning, cant breathe, no way out during the day...every night with less and less sleep I get it too. I get to relive some of the darkest moments in my life. I dont know what to do. I try to talk to some listeners who seem somehow more interested in my trauma and the details that I dont want to talk about with it...and sometimes people who dont undestand what the bar is what significance it has and act like it is just some small exam... I'm desperate here. I am scared. Tired. Stressed. Confused. I feel so dumb. I cant get professional help becuse the bar examiners hate that and may decide that because I am strong like every freaking one else that I am not fit to be an attorney. I promise I will always fight for clients, give it my all, and do things right but apparently that doesn't matter and it just matters that I have panic attacks or I get depressed or have bad thoughts or urges....Idk. Anyone been through this? Any advice? Anything?
@legallybrunette03 I want to clarify that I not actively suicidal and that I am just asking for any advice with anxiety/bar prep. Sorry if my post came off that way.
@legallybrunette03 , A big warm hug to you . Preparing for a major exam can be very stressful indeed , more so as it involves your job and also your image and pride. Take a deep breath .. go for a long walk or even go for a hairwash( hope the hairdresser is open ) . Relax your mind . Some fresh air and exercise helps to relax your mind. Yoga is great . Long walks are great. Eat healthy and stay healthy. A healthy body helps maintain a healthy mind.
@legallybrunette03
I'm not sure where you're located, but if it there is any comfort in this, many people do not pass the bar on the first try. Yeah, I know, it's not any comfort. But it's an incredibly hard exam, and the stress you're feeling - you're not alone. Unfortunately there are many other law students that are feeling it, too.
I think when we get in these situations with exams like this, we have to realize that it isn't the end if we fail. It isn't "one and done." Years ago I worked for a company and decided to become licensed by going through a series of exams. I studied like crazy, finally took the test - and bombed it. I came back to work feeling horrible. My co-workers all told me not to worry - everyone fails the test on the first try. (Gee - I wish they had told me that before!)
Study, take breaks, take some time for self-care - some deep breathing and meditation are nice - along with just having some "outside in the sun" time. Allow yourself to feel positive about passing the bar, but also allow yourself to feel okay if you don't pass. Because there will be another opportunity to take it again, along with other opportunities, jobs and experiences to grow your career.
