getting over my past and overcoming anxiety
when i was a junior in college, i moved off campus with a group of friends. i was really excited, but it ended up taking a huge toll on my mental health and my performance in school. even though i lived with friends, they were never home and always busy. i didnt have a car, so i felt like a burden on them. our house isolated and in an area where the construction abruptly stopped bc of the 2008 housing crisis. it was always quiet and i was always alone. i became extremely depressed and did horribly in school. after that experience i decided to take a year off, so i went to south korea as an english teacher. even though i loved the experience, i still struggled with depression due to loneliness. now that im back at school, i cant help but feel guilty and anxious because of those past semesters i was at school. i want to seek help but now that i live with my parents, they arent really too keen on the idea. they think i will get brainwashed. im really happy i found this site though. ive tried so many things, but this seems to really be helping already.
@gabi9296
Hey there, lovely :)
Thank you for having taken the chance to get on this site and give yourself some love. It isn't always easy to reach out to people, and here you are doing it with a world of strangers! Hopefully soon, you'll have a world of friends here instead <3
It sounds like you've been on quite the adventure the past few years. I'm sorry to hear that your parents aren't too supportive of the idea of you receiving any mental health counseling. That mindset really can be tough to work with, when you know you're wanting to do what's right for you, but also need or want your family's support.
Although those past semesters were hard due to you having a really tough time, what is amazing about your story is that you still are being brave enough to get up and try again! The past definintely leaves some hurtful blemishes in our memory/. Honestly though, with time and new efforts to try and help ourselves feel better, we're in essence taking a buffer to those past pains, and helping them blend into the portrait that you're painting of what life you really would like to have.
I think you're going to come out of this okay. You're doing what you need to do in order to keep yourself up and running, and it seems to be working. If you ever need any help from us at any time, please always feel free to reach out! As an international website, someone's going to come across your path with a helping hand no matter what time it is!
~ Much peace for you <3
@Kahilum08 thank you so much for this!!
@gabi9296
moving off campus can be a big step - sometimes it's the first time a person has lived on there "own," even if they have roomates. loneliness and feelings of sadness can come up, as the network a person had in high school and then in dorm life, can feel like it dissappeared. it may be helpful to re-connect wiht people you have known and who appreciated you, since they may no longer in your social infrastructure like before. living in an isolated area with no car can be a real challenge...i did it in college, too, but i had a car and still felt lonely! so you made a change to make things better for yourself - that is awesome and so courageous of you that you went to Korea! what strength of character you have to have done that! living abroad has unique chalenges - i also went abroad, and some of it was great, and some it was very lonely, living in a country far from home where i didn't know anyone at all! it's not your fault that those past semesters were difficult for you - college can bring so many unexpected twists and turns - it's not like they say in the brochures, and many parents have a fair tale notion of what their kids are getting into. I worked in colleges and higher ed, and have worked with many depressed students who just needed someone to say this is totally NORMAL and you did not fail at anything. the system is a little broken, as you are probably figuring out right now. seeking help is a wonderful idea, and you again are showing the capacity to take initiative over your own life and how you live it, just like you did when you decided to teach English abroad. i am sorry your roomates were not more supportive, it sounds like they were doing some passive-bullying of you which is not right. keep looking for what you know intuitively is right for you, you are on the right track. you are smart you are capable you are kind.