i'm afraid that i wouldn't have any friends anymore

You probably see me everywhere...and I've been gone for so long...the reason is because I'm unbearably overwhelmed and worried that I couldn't even go to this site anymore, but I'm back now. I decided that I wouldn't hesitate to look for help.

Recently, I moved to a new school in the middle of the school year (around August) because I couldn't bear the pressure in my old school. I met some nice people here. A friend of mine (she also transferred, but that was long before I did), introduced me to a student that quickly became my friend, considering she was very nice and funny and we have the same interests. We used to talk and chat a lot and I was very happy every time she did so, but now she's avoiding me. She never talks to me anymore - limited to only saying hi to me when I walk pass her. She doesn't text me either. I thought that she might be having some problems or something, but she was normal with her other friends.

I later found out that she doesn't seem to be interested in her old hobbies anymore..and I can assume that it's the reason why she'd left me. I mean. I can't completely blame her for this. Unlike kids in school, I am not into what they're into, and I can't force myself just so that I would gain friends. The worst part is that I couldn't have a talk to her or text her first because I'm irrationally scared. Like, really, really scared. I'd rather have things cold between us than breaking our relationship completely. But still, it makes me so upset. It's my fault too, I guess, that I love someone to easily and recklessly.

I still have some friends from my old school, and I kind of hate myself for being so selfish and leave them just like that. When I was in the seventh grade, I did very bad things to this one person. She's very friendly, but for some reason, I used to badmouth her and I was very rude to her. On the second semester until now, I realized my mistake and became her friend like nothing happened. It wasn't until I felt so bad and decided to apologize to her. She said it was ok and that she forgave me, but it's just that...the guilt and regret was so much that I cry if I remember my past mistakes sometimes. What if she's just faking it all and she doesn't actually forgive me? I'm so, so terrified. I regret that I did horrible things to her. I thought I was a good person, but hell, I wasn't. Everything's good between us now and we text each other everyday, but what if she's holding a grudge on me in the back, or that she's just talking to me because she pities me?

That's two cases...I shouldn't be posting this but, it feels really nice to get it all out.