i’m such a bad person

so my best friend went to the hospital

tonight because of anxiety and i feel

like such a *** person because i keep

thinking i wish it was me. i used to

have a borderline ed and the reason i

kept going back to it was because i

wanted to push myself to a hospital

because i wanted people to notice

that i wasn't ok. i didn't want to tell

anyone myself. i thought that it was

the only way to get therapy and

medication. and it wasn't even an ed

that i wanted therapy for, it was

anxiety. but i thought having an ed

was the only way to get it. and now

my friend is on the hospital and she is

getting therapists and medications for

anxiety reccomend and i hate myself

for it but i'm jealous. i hate that her

anxiety is so bad that she's in the

hospital. i really do i promise. but i

wish that i wouldn't have to ASK to

get therapy or meds. i want soemone

to notice