Do I need a new therapist?
It's hard to open up to my therapist. I get really anxious when I'm talking to her. Or when we talk about something really emotional I kind of shut down?
Maybe it's because I had a bad experience with my first therapist?
Ive had suicidal thoughts in the past and she wants me to call and tell her but I just can't bring myself to? I don't know how to get over this feeling like I can't trust her?
I don't want to change therapist cause I've seen 3 other therapists. And I can see a huge change in myself after seeing her. But I want to be able to open up to her more :/
@scarletSea7759
Does she know about your previous bad experiences in therapy?
@Mirea yeah it was the first think she asked
You've seen four therapists but it sounds like therapy has never really worked for you. This makes me wonder whether your therapists all have something in common, something that makes them all unsuitable in your particular case. Something tells you that you might have to move on again, and what you've written here gives me the feeling that you may be right.
One important factor in therapy is the theory behind it. Therapists sometimes call this their modality or orientation. Some therapists don't ever settle on any one modality and use bits of several modalities. If you can find out the modality your four unsuccessful therapists tried to use, you could make sure number 5 uses a different modality.
Another important factor is experience. If your four unsuccessful therapists all have around the same level of experience, you could make sure number 5 has a very different level of experience.
These are not the only things that can make a difference. For example, maybe all your therapists were female, or maybe all of them were male. If so, that would be another factor you could change. You might be able to think of other factors I haven't thought of.
I hope you've been able to find listeners here at 7 Cups who you can talk to about your situation in more detail, and who understand and care. If you'd ever like to chat with me about these things, feel free to send me a message.
@scarletSea7759
@scarletSea7759
It is not my place to attempt to tell you what the issue is but I will tell you about something that many people experience in therapy and you can decide for yourself if it rings true at all. Often people become more anxious as the therapy progresses as they get closer to the core issues and discussions become harder. That fear of tackling really difficult material can make them drop out. Many people get into a circle of repeatedly getting in and out of therapy as they want to progress but at the same time really struggle to fully trut the therapist and put themselves in a vulnerable position.
I would encourage you to tell your therapist that you are thinking about dropping out and struggle to fully open up your therapist to open a discussion about those issues.
@Belis
What you say is very true. In my limited experience that tends to happen with therapists whose modalities are based on the older theories. More modern modalities tend to focus on establishing a very high level of trust and closeness right at the start, so there is never any feeling of having to "struggle to fully open up".
You're right, sometimes people do drop out of therapy because of fear, but to put it in those words is to blame the victim. Another way of putting it would be that sometimes therapists can't or won't address their clients' fears. This might happen for various reasons, for example because of inadequate training, or because the therapist fears failure and colludes in sabotaging the therapy.
No one here can possibly guess what the deeper issues are for @scarletSea7759 but therapist number 4 has known from the start that there were therapists numbers 1, 2 and 3 and yet after some months here we all are having this discussion.
@RarelyCharlie
Have you go any modality in mind? In UK we mainly offer CBT and it is a bit of hit and miss as to how much emphasis is put on the building of therapeutic relationship. It can be very technical as it is heavily manualised.
Ah, there are so many modalities! I was making a deliberately vague generalization there 
Yes, here in the UK there is a lot of CBT, a lot of the CBT is manualized, and in spite of being manualized it does seem to be a bit hit and miss.
@Belis
@RarelyCharlie
Any therapy can unfortunately be hit and miss.
It sounds OP that you have made some good progress so far as you say you made some positive changes. It may just be that you need a little bit more time.
@scarletSea7759 You may not feel connected with your therapist immmediately, but it's great that you're seeking help with her and here online. Like others here have said, take your time. You don't have to fully open up to her until you're ready. If you're seeing that you've grown a lot with your time with her, she might be the right fit for you - it might just take some more time. Stay strong and remember that you can always ask for opinions, but you're the one who can make the best decisions for yourself. No one understands you more than you do. Always feel free to contact a Listener if you need to. <3
