I feel like a failure
Hello. I'm a 20 year old female. I feel like my social anxiety is holding me back in several areas in my life. I am having a terrible time finding a job. I've been on countless interviews in the past 2 years and haven't been able to find one. I feel like my anxiety makes me look like am idiot. Even when I prepare, I still get really nervous and it shows. I feel like a loser. Having social skills is something I've striglled with my entire life. It makes me feel like a failure. I have been getting slightly beter by talking to more people, but I don't think its good enough. I have really high expectations for myself. I'm also really hard on myself too. I am hyper aware of evryt little thing I'm doing and I judge myself for every single thing I do.
I also think that my social anxiety is the reason why I can't seem to stick with anything. I signed up for taekwondo class a few years ago but only did it for a month. I played violin for half a year but stopped doing that. Its really embarassing.
I've tried to fake having confidence but that doesn't work either. I still feel ike a failure. My family doesn't help either. When I asked them if I'd be qulified to work a certain job, I was told I don't like to talk to people. I've also been told I don't like to smile. Being told those things just makes me feel worse. I am trying, but I'm not trying hard enough.
I have no hope for my future. I have no faith in myself. Being rejected by all these jobs makes me feel even worse. People tell me to just keep applying, but I know it'd be a waste of time. No matte how hard I try, I just seem to not get it right. I'm always doing something wrong. I feel like a total failure.
@CrystalMermaid555
Also, dont be a smart aleck when replying to this. Saying "Everything will be okay" doesn't do anything for me. So don't even bother.
@CrystalMermaid555
Hi! What kind of a job would you like to have/be doing if you could do anything?
@thoughtfulmomma
I can't think of anything specific right now, but I would enjoy a job that involves working with my hands. Like baking or making coffee, but I know I wouldn't make a good barista cuz of my lack luster social skills. Doing something that is artistic would also be fun, like being a graphic artist, but I don't have the education to do that yet. I feel like majority of the jobs available to. me involve customer service in some way, which sucks. I feel stuck and hopeless.
@CrystalMermaid555
Have you ever thought of taking culinary arts classes? Since I don't know where you are I don't what schools you have available, but in my area, several of the community colleges have culinary programs, and they are great about helping you find a job. I know that doesn't help the immediate situation of finding a job, but looking into the future, if that's something you'd like to do (or even with graphic arts), it might be a path to consider.
Customer Service jobs aren't always fun. I know. I've had enough in my life! :) But sometimes they're a "necessary evil" in order to get where we want to go. In other words, sometimes we have to do the job that gives us the paycheck in order to get the job that gives us happiness.
As far as baking/coffee/etc, goes, there are plenty of jobs where it's all back end - you are doing all the work behind the scenes without having to deal with customers. Even if it's not the most thrilling job at first, (like making doughnuts), you'll learn a lot of skills about production and then you can take those skills to another business that will be more creative.
@thoughtfulmomma
I know that customer service jobs are neccessary, my point is that I can't seem to get a customer service job because of my social skills being bad.
@CrystalMermaid555
What about doing online customer service? Like responding to emails or doing live customer chat(text)?
@CrystalMermaid555 Hey I seem to be in a very similar position here. I am not here to tell you it will be all right so perhaps we can talk? Maybe we can relate in certain stuff and at least get it out? Or not, I mean it is you choice.
@CrystalMermaid555
First- You're not a failure . You just have self-limiting beliefs . From being a young man at one time your age , I had really deep anxiety and fear for years . So I empathize with what tour going through .
Second - Do you have a supportive group of friends who accept you for who you are ? Figure out what you want to do with your life and set some goals .
work towards what you want .
Finally - Failure is temporary , you will get better . It just takes time . Also , remember take it one day at a time .
best wishes
i do alot of things to prove im not, but it never feels like enough to me. If i had to wish for one thing it probably would to be decent at life and make my family proud. I feel like burden and a leech and sometimes i wish strange things. anyway yeah kinda just want to be like everyone else have a few friends and get decent grades not even that much. At this point i feel like no one truly likes my character and i'm just a bad person in general? not to proud of myself or my zero accomplishments. Its kinda as if i cant see myself change out of this enclosed shell im in. I feel like my dreams are unrealstic and stupid, for example i kinda just want to travel the world but that feels like im just running away and i've done that with most everything i do?? i dont know my dream life is a bit odd and naive. Anyway is this what im supposed to put in these threads i dont know.
@peachLion9267
@CrystalMermaid555
English is not my maternal lenguage so sorry for the grammar. I have social anxiety like you. Going to job interviews its one of the things that is really hard when you have this. My first recomendation for you is to stop doing this interviews for like a month or so, until you feel better. Because by going in feeling bad you are blowing your pontential opportunities. Take time to work on yourself first. One of the things that really worked for me was having something in my hands like a ring or a pen something small an not weird to move around, so all my anxiety focuses on the object. Taking something to relax myself like a tea or somerhing natural that works for you. Using the app of simple habit to meditate before a situation that gives me anxiety. This are things that help in the moment. But you need to work on your social skills. I know it sounds weird but the book, "the art of seduction for dummies" helped me a lot with some tips to interact with people in general. Just go out talk to people and practice everytime you can. Be proud of your small steps. You are not a failure.
@Nicks33
I know I'm blowing my interviews by being so anxious all the time and I know I need to wokr on my social skills. No matter what I try, i just dont seem to get better.
@CrystalMermaid555
Ok.. so you already know you are not doing well in interviews you feel frustrated? Good. Recognition it's a step, and from now on there's only one way. Up. So what can you do to feel better ?, I'm sure something will work you just need to take your time to find it. It's easy to say hard to actually do it. But come on feel yourself with energy by doing something that makes you happy even if it's something small. Put yourself goal and timelines, realistic ones not over pushing. Like tomorrow I'll just talk to my neighbor. Or if you miss a friend tomorrow will be the day you force yourself to make that call and go for a coffee. Like I said practice.
@Nicks33
ok