Learning to drive - anxiety, nervousness, fear
Hi to everyone! Currently, I'm learning to drive at a driving school and it's terrible. I read a lot on various social anxieties forums that people with SA have problem with this. I was afraid to start to learn, so I postponed it for so long, finally I started, but it's not going well at all. I'm nervous while driving with the instructor, one part of my nervousness is due to the instructor I guess (that I have to learn in front of him and that I make the mistakes), one part of my nervousness is due to actual driving - I'm learning how to drive a manual and it's really difficult for me. So far, I have had only four lessons, but every time I end up crying after the lesson. I make mistakes a lot and it makes me more nervous, especially when the instructor raises his voice. I'm nervous before going to my lesson, I'm afraid of making mistakes. I didn't tell the instructor about my nervousness and fears that much, I just told him on the very first lesson (after learning on a parking lot when he wanted me to drive to the city, I was really shocked and scared that I should drive on the road on my first lesson) that I'm afraid of driving on the roads. He didn't say anything, he just drove by himself to the city and I didn't have to. Maybe I should tell him more about it? On my second lesson we went back on a parking lot and he thought I don't trust him because all the others were already driving on the roads. It makes me more nervous when he mentions something like 'other people already can manage that' and he told me something like this more than once. I'm learning slowly, I can't change gears properly, it's so difficult for me, even starting the car is not easy because of the clutch and gas pedal. I told the instructor that I find it very hard with changing the gears, I told him that it's difficult for me to pay attention to various things at once (changing the gears, the pedals and the situation on the road), so far he is the one who checks the situation on the road on crossroads, because I keep overlooking another cars because I'm concentrating too much on the pedals, the gears. He just mentioned something like when it's hard for someone, then he shouldn't learn it. That made me more nervous of course. I should be able to check the situation on the road, but I'm not, I should be changing the gears by myself without him to tell me when to change them, but I'm not able to. I mess up the things at a crossroads with the clutch and the gears, because it's harder.
Can you reassure me somehow? Do you have any tips for managing the nervousness and anxiety and fear? I tried CBT before going on the lesson, it worked a little, but then, when I started to make mistakes, then it began again and it was worse and worse. I know learning to drive takes time and practice, but making the same mistakes all the time ruines me. Thank you in advance.
Are you allowed to practice with other people where you live? If so, find someone you're comfortable with who can supervise you and drive around in an empty parking lot or other quiet area just to get used to the feel of the car. I've been driving for years, and I don't like to get into a different vehicle and just take off, I prefer getting a feel for it in a low traffic/pedestrian area first.
As for the instructor, from what you wrote it sounds like he's not very patient when it comes to anxiety. I think a certain amount of anxiety is pretty normal for many when first learning. One possibility would be to set some boundaries with him before getting into a vehicle. An example of this could be no comparison to what everyone else is doing - after all it doesn't matter what others are doing, YOU need to be able to drive safely when you're driving. Another could be no raising of the voice unless it's necessary - like BRAKE or STOP might require that. Another option would be to switch to an instructor who is more patient and you feel more comfortable with.
If you start to feel ovewhelmed during the lesson, it's reasonable to stop (where safe to do so) and just breathe for a minute. You'll get more out of the lesson if you take that bit of time out and continuing when calm rather than forcing through as you get more nervous or upset.
Good luck and advocate for what you need while learning to drive!
@AffyAvo
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@luumiel
I failed my first two driving tests because of the rules book not knowing it well enough off by heart so studying rules in the driver's handbook until you can quote from it by memory will help a lot with that end of things. I also started on an automatic vehicle and can't imagine having to learn traffic navigation and rules and the manual transmission operation all at once! Manual is one of the hardest things I've ever had to learn to do and every car is different so even if it does help to practice at home with someone and another car when you get to the school if it's not the same car you'll probably still have a bit of a challenge (I'd still do so but be aware that different cars do behave differently in the feel of clutch and timing of where pedals will be in that "sweet spot" to gear shift especially from a stopped position). I hope they allow you to practice on the same car you'll be tested on.
Something you can do to help keep your nervous anxiety lower overall is mindfulness exercises. There's a helpful audio section on 7cups in the path menu for it and makes it super easy even if you have trouble focussing it will guide you as you listen. With enough practice at breathing from diaphram (shallow breathing adds to anxiety) and at what is taught in the mindfulness guides should help you find a calm space in your mind so you feel less prone to reacting to racing thoughts or feeling like you have to immediately react to someone else's impatience.
@CoinFountain
Unfortunately, the driving school does not have an automatic car, I didn
Hey guys, I want to share my feelings about driving after some period of time. I change the instructor, told him about my feelings and it went better. Now I'm having the lessons with the previous one, and it's good. My anxiety is lower, I think it's because of the fact that the actual controlling of the car is more easier and stressfull because I learned it a bit. It's the practice which lessens the anxiety and nervousness. I wanted to give up driving after few lessons because the anxiety was so huge, I'm glad I didn't give it up. I'm still not sure if I get my licence, but it's much more better now. When I started the lessons, I was nervous every time when I stopped at the crossing, the red signal was on the traffic lights and I knew I will have to set a car in a motion in a while. Now I'm not that nervous in this situation, because I know I can set a car in a motion, I learned it by practice. Now I'm nervous when I have to turn left and on some types of crossings (and there is of course plenty of other situations which I didn't mastered so far).
So for all people struggling with similar thing: Don't give up, even though your anxiety is consuming you, you will manage to reduce it with practice!
@luumiel Hi there, thanks for updating us on your driving experience. It is awesome that you kept on with the lessons despite the anxiety; patience truly paid off! I am sure your efforts will pay off, and you will get your license in due time. Feel free to chat with a listener, and good luck with the lessons!
@luumiel Yay! I'm glad it has gotten so much better. Keep it up and the anxiety will likely continue to diminish with the situations that you're still feeling uncomfortable with.
@luumiel
I can relate to your experience. I took driving lessons a long time ago and I was terrified every time, and "made mistakes" too. However, one thing that I did not know at the time would have helped me so much.. I actually couldn't see over the steering wheel because I was short ( I still am. HA!). No one thought to ask me that and after I started driving myself sitting on a pillow it was much better. I don't know if you are a smallish short person, but if so, that might be an issue for you too. I did eventually learn and everyone's tips are right- it just takes a lot of practice. Knowing you will be nervous just sets you up for more anxiety and that makes more mistakes just because of your fears. I hope you make it through the classes and when you are driving with someone else, it will likely be much better. Good luck, and BE CAREFUL! - just kidding so you can laugh, which always helps.
It's great that you tried CBT and it seems to be working. I know that muscle relaxation and breating technique also helps you before you go into a situation that maybe anxiety-inducing. You could try calm.com . Hope this helps!