My weird social anxiety
Lately I've been having problems with social life that I'm not used to. After graduating college, people leave and I've basically had to start at almost the very beginning of making new friends and having a new social life. I haven't had any trouble finding a great group of people around, and that's been nice. However, at the same time, I've found that social situations have been causing me a lot of anxiety. The thing is my social anxiety (if that's even what you would call it) doesn't happen when I'm actually around people. I can have a great time at social gatherings and have some really awesome conversations. It's afterward that has been a major struggle lately. Getting home (I live alone) leaves me to my thoughts and basically as soon as I walk in the door I get hit with strong feelings of dread. I start worrying about every interaction that I had during parties/meetings and I have a lot of anxiety that I did something wrong/embarrassing while I was with people and just didn't even realize. I have so much fear of being judged but it doesn't happen in the moment, it happens afterward. It's hard because at that point I just have to deal with the anxiety and I'm completely on my own.
Does anyone else experience this? Like you have no trouble in the process of hanging out with and interacting with others but after everyone has gone their separate ways you start to worry? All I ever see about social anxiety are things about being shy or panicking in social situations as they are happening, but I never see anything about this sort of experience.
I am having social anxiety since 9 years. It doesn't have any cure I think.
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My anxiety,
Depending on the situation my anxiety differs.
A) if I'm discussing something with someone and it seems to me like it and argument forming, then I get the heaviness on my chest, or a weird indescribable feeling in my heart itself.
I tend to opt out of arguments or let the other party win bc I over think the worst possible out comes. And believe that if I fight back that I will make one of the outcomes happen to me. And I don't want that. Ever.
B) as long as I can remember I have always bitten my nails, family, friends, significant others have all tried out every method they can think to calm me and to help reduce or stop my nail biting but nothing has worked. Half of the time I haven't even registratered in my.mind that I have my hand near my mouth,.yet they all observe and notice the nail biting right away and they get frustrated. I don't know how to stop it, and I don't wanna let them down. Then in the back of my mind the worst possible outcomes reoccur and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or I'll cause something terrible to happen if I can't follow through and get rid of the nail biting.
C) when I feel these feelings, my mind wonders and bc I over think and become paranoid about it I feel like the worst possible things are occuring. I feel like I'm gonna lose people. And I wanna do better but my mind just can't accept it. Is this normal?
