No friends, am I a bad person?

I am turning 28 next week, and I don't have any close friends.

I never really had friends. In high school I had 2 friends in my class and we got along. One of them got abused and moved away and I haven't heard from her since. My other friend passed away a couple of years ago.

It feels like the older I get, the harder it is for me to "find" friends. I am engaged, and I've gotten to know people through my fiancé. But I don't have any of my own friends.

I've had low self esteem and very bad self confidence my whole life. I am a shy and quiet person, which is not a good mix when trying to meet new people.

I get very insecure in a social setting. Especially around women. I don't know what it is but I feel very easily threatened by other women.

I moved from Europe to the US some years ago, and I can't say I've had very good experience from trying to make friends over here. It's like I don't fit in anywhere.

For example, I always find myself in some dark whole every time a woman talks to me and my fiancé, and she's all happy and out going with the same interests as my fiancé. I get quiet and just don't say anything. I smile not to make it obvious I'm insecure. Deep down I'm afraid my fiancé will realize that he would have more fun with one of those American girls. I find my energy drained and I just give up on talking to new people.

I constantly compare myself to other people, always try to think of the "right" thing to say to seem interesting and to not push people away. It takes such a huge effort for me, and it feels like I don't have energy. I am so nervous when around people I don't know.

Is my lack of friends showing that I am a bad person? Do people think I'm a "bitch" or "too boring" to bother with? I don't know.

It's like I've forgotten how to meet new people and make friends. I spend all my time (when not working) with my fiancé. He's the only one I spend time with really.

Sorry about the rant, I just don't have anyone to talk to.