So discouraged and down....
I feel so discouraged, tired and don't know what to do.
It's always been hard for me to make friends and to "open up" to a new person. The whole "smiling and being as nice as you can" drains a lot of energy. Not because I don't want to be nice, but it feels like a waste of energy for me and like I'm "faking" it. And to give people compliments is also hard for me. I start feeling discouraged and like I'm worth nothing compared to this person. I compare myself to everyone non stop. I've never had high self esteem or much confidence.
I've never felt like I'm a person that people like. I'm quiet, shy and mostly keep in the background. People seem intimidated by that. Often people comment on how "quiet" I am. Like that's gonna help.
The people I know, I know through my fiancée. I don't have any of my own friends. I feel like it's easier to talk to guys more than girls. But I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I end up feeling like an outsider no matter what.
@Limeth
Here's a fact for you. I can't prove it, but I know it to be true......ask around if you don't believe me. You're not alone. Those feelings you describe, that difficulty getting to know new people, opening up, engaging, that sense you're not good enough. You're not alone. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that many of those people you feel less worthy than, will also feel like that about themselves. Feeling self conscious or awkward is really not uncommon.
You know another thing that struck me about your post? You have a fiancée. Here's someone who not only likes you, they love you. Here's someone who not only wants to spend time with you, they want to spend the rest of their life with you. So not only are you likeable, you're loveable, covetable, wantable......hmm, maybe that's not a real word, but I hope you get my drift.
Maybe think a little about how you established that relationship with your fiancée. Can you use those conversations and topics to build future friendships? People often love to chat about themselves, so a little interest shown in others can reap benefits. And then just relax, observe, laugh, interject. You don't have to be the life and soul of the party. But nor should you feel you're not enough. You're loved, you're you, you're more than enough.