There are people I have distanced myself from. I want to engage with them again, but I don't want to get hurt.
Around a couple months back, I was hurt. I was with a group of friends, but I felt really left out, so I ended up leaving. I understand that they were closer to each other than I was with any of them, but it hurt a lot. I cried so hard on my way back home (poor taxi driver lol). That night was devastating for me, and it was since then that I started using 7 cups. Again, I do not blame any of them whatsoever, especially since they knew each other more. They are very kind individuals and even offered to help me get a taxi back home. I did end up telling them about it and they were all very sorry and really supportive. They knew something was wrong with me, and they had a feeling that was the reason why. I did end up seeing them again afterwards, but it had only been one time since. It was definitely better than last time, but it felt like it was too early to see them again. I was and still currently am healing from that. I HAVE gotten mentally stronger to prepare to engage with them again and other future engagements though, so I don't end up getting hurt again. That does not mean I am scared out of my mind to talk to them again. I haven't talk to them in two months, not only because I am trying to mentally improve, but because I had my final project that I completed two days ago and I did NOT want to have any anxious thoughts distract me from my work. I COMPLETELY MUTED the group chat for those two months and did not even try to look especially since I was too scared to. If anyone reached out to me on there, I really hope I did not hurt them, but I am glad I have been choosing myself. I understand that in order to be closer to them, I need to make an effort to build our relationship, despite how slow the process is. The thing is how do I know these people are worth pursuing again? Am I just setting myself for disappointment again? How do I know I will not waste my time with them? I know that in order to have these answered for me, I must man up, rip the band aid, and start talking to them in the group chat again, but I am so scared of getting hurt.
@kindSpruce8353
What you're experiencing is normal. Moreover, it doesn't mean that these people are to blame, or that there's anything wrong with you. It's just that at some point in the past, you were in a situation where everyone else was more competent, and it stuck. Perhaps you once felt lonely in another group, or you were made to feel that way. And yes, it could be due to low self-esteem. Even if you had been part of their group from the start, you would have found something to worry about. But I don't think you need to go to them. If you don't want to experience difficulties, you shouldn't. Accept it now and stay calm. For a while. Perhaps you need a different type of interaction. Or a different group. But they didn't physically reject you, right? So it's all completely different? Then you can deal with it. But later. For now, you just do what you can.
@Voodvins Yeah, you're right. I don't need to have this constant pressure of having to pursue them and maybe I need to pursue other things and other people before making the decision of when I will pursue them again. Especially when I am more ready and less worked up about it. Thank you for your advice.
