Feeling like I'm fighting an uphill battle against my parents but I feel so conflicted about it
So hi for context I'm an aspie and for the past idk year or so it feels like my relationship with my parents or my mom specifically has gotten worse,and while some days are relatively fine its always the things like the constant belittling over me messing up on the smallest things to arguing over truly the most minimal stuff I swear I'm so sick of it all I'm sick of the dumb pep talks which my dad keeps giving me on "you need to respect so and so" and failing to gaslight me on how respect doesn't mean I need to kiss someone's A#$ and I hate how I can be relaxing in my room which is my safe space and when I kindly ask her to leave its an issue because if I call her out on her flaws I'm suddenly the bad guy, like am I a narcissist is something wrong with me? I don't get it
@Lonewolf360 Hey! I understand exactly how you feel! I am not saying this to say it, but I do. I have been through a very similar experience. One thing I have realized is that when someone belittles you, they have low self-esteem. Belittling gives the individual a sense of empowerment. I am not saying that what your mother is doing is correct, but I can sense that she is having problems with herself. A confident mother would not intentionally hurt anyone, especially her child. One thing that I admire about you and wish for is self-respect. You understand the value of not people-pleasing and dare to stand up for yourself. However, sometimes, it is better to leave things unspoken. Retaliating can lead to severe consequences and harm the relationships even more. Sometimes, calmly taking deep breaths and thinking about something helps you decrease your anger and help you think clearly. When you can understand that your mother is struggling with unspoken things, it will help your mental health—understanding empowers healthy communication.
Well I guess there are some things I can work on as I try not to be a confrontational person and am relatively more reserved, but it's difficult to just sit there and take it again and again or just to walk away and distress from the situation knowing that it's something that's slowly building and just on the verve of boiling over eventually and I guess I can try doing the deep breaths thing again which I admittedly haven't done since middle school with all the stress it caused but I appreciate it none the less
@Lonewolf360 One of life's most challenging things is finding the fine line between whether to confront. With stress added into your life, I can see it worsening the family dynamics. However, learning how to manage your stress will help a lot. The profound breathing works; I must do it consistently with my family. They may get on my nerves, but I am trying to let them not get the best of me. Also, I am not recommending you bottle up your feelings! That is not a good path. Instead, listening to happy/calming music or taking a walk outside can help. Find ways to release your stress calmly. It is not easy. If it were, I wouldn't be struggling with the similar problems that you are going through.
Yeah considering my dad was being the "big man" that he is just before I took a shower I get it so much for patience and respect
@Lonewolf360 I think with your dad he feels like as the protector of the household, he needs to protect his wife at all cost. When he sees you retaliating, he feels threatened, and want to remind you that he is the boss.
Checks out I suppose
@Lonewolf360 I am not trying to invalidate anyone's feelings. However, I feel like there are a lot of family dynamics and miscommunication going on. All I want is for you to try your hardest to understand where your parents are going through and watch videos on different anger-management techniques. I would highly suggest getting a Liscensed Family & Marriage Therapist, because he/she will be able to get you the support/help that you need at the professional level.
Oh I'm sorry if I came off that way (kinda hard to tell tones though text) I was genuinely agreeing with your perspective after I calmed down and had a brief second talk with my dad
@Lonewolf360 Oh my gosh! I am so proud of you!!! You did something that I have struggled to do for years!!! If you want, do you mind telling me how it went?
Well after avoiding most of my family for the day while still doing daily tasks at hand like chores etc just when I couldn't sleep and went to go eat I bumped into him again, he gave the classic pep talk I mentioned yesterday and while I was gonna argue initially I heard him out and begrudgingly agreed so I could somewhat get the chip off my shoulder
@Lonewolf360 Avoidance can lead to miscommunication, which can harm your family relationship. Please be careful. Another thing is avoidance, which leads to more resentment and anger. I highly suggest having a calm and rational discussion with your parents and expressing your concerns. Please do not accuse them of their wrongdoings (even if they are in the wrong). Just let them know that you want to do better, and what all is there to improve.
PS: you don't have to do it if you aren't comfortable with it. But I want to warn you that you are running on a slippery slope that can worsen your family dynamics.
Well I'll definitely take your words into consideration and try to open up more today considering how my my mom was pretty absent yesterday while running errands
@Lonewolf360 Thank you and I hope all goes well!!!
So I finally talked to him one on one and addressed the issue regarding miscommunication and he actually listened to me and apologized for what happened yesterday so I think I might've made a step in the right direction
@Lonewolf360
Hope the relationship with your parents improve. It’s not healthy to live under constant stress. Maybe try keeping your door locked, or doing things outside the house more and staying at home less. Take care of yourself in the process as well.
I appreciate the advice but staying away from home let alone doing stuff outside of the house outside aside from bike riding isn't much of an option for me given my state and my lack of connections with other folks irl
