Feeling bad about the current state of autism acceptance, no offense to you guys by the way.
In this post, I will be talking about suspecting you're autistic, moral scrupulosity, and venting about friends who suggest they may be autistic. Not that they aren't, because I wholeheartedly believe folks who suspect it are 100% valid. I am also a firm believer in self-diagnosis due to the obscene amount of barriers people experience, particularly in the US right now, and especially if they got tested before 2013. If you think this subject will bother you, do take care of yourself.
I introduce myself the same way everytime: I'm autistic, with anxiety, depression, and OCD (might discuss more of this later). No ADHD. I've had problems with jealousy and comparing myself to others since I was 7. Sometimes it gets easier, sometimes it gets harder. The problem I'm having with things right now is how late-diagnosed autism, atypical autism, and autism in women is becoming a hot topic in social media. This is because we're becoming more aware of autism, which I think is a good thing, but it can lead to some comments that are kind of upsetting.
More people I was acquainted with in high school are claiming to be autistic. One friend's parents are suggesting it, despite having ADHD and OCD that explain things (she doesn't think she has it, nor does she really want to go through the process). The other three mention it off-handedly when the topic comes up. They mention things like, "I could be autistic" or "I might be autistic, but I probably won't find out." One of these people has also made comments about how obsession-related nightmares are not related to OCD despite them being obsessions. The DSM-5 suggests the need for obsessions, compulsions, or both, plus avoidance behaviours if the compulsions aren't present. The reason I bring up this point is because 1) one of my compulsions is to confess my wrongdoings like thinking my friends are wrong, so I don't want to talk about this with them, and 2) perhaps this could insinuate a lack of understanding of the DSM-5 criteria of autism, an important area of focus if you're wondering if you have it.
Why is this bothering me, you may ask? I'm worried and jealous. I'm worried about whether this label will help or hinder, whether it will stigmatize the diagnosis or make it seem like something different than it is. I don't want people to be thinking they're autistic because of one specific thing they experience, like hyperfixations for example. I'm not saying people who suspect, or self-diagnose, are doing this: I suspected for a long time before getting diagnosed, and I did heaps of research before reaching out to a professional.
I'm also jealous because these people have experienced more life than I have. They have experienced having more friendships, more successful trips out to places, an easier time forming friendships and maintaining them, etc, even while experiencing bullying. Closer connections with parents due to expressions of interest. More reciprocal conversations. Ability to speak clearly without stumbling. Jokes, sarcasm, etc. Once again, it doesn't mean they're NOT autistic. It means they are better at them in spite of it. Realistically, this is from an outsider's POV.
What I'm writing this for is to understand how to cope with this. How can I manage my jealousy and worry in a world where the small things are pathologised? How can I use my discretion to determine if someone is being sincere when I don't have that trait in me? Most of all, how can I help people who think they are autistic without thinking they are wrong about something?
I feel bad about it, but I'm gonna use this as an opportunity to learn and change. All autistic people, whether doctor-diagnosed, suspecting, or self-diagnosed, are welcome to respond if willing.
@Lemurian51611 I've re-written this a few times because I couldn't find a proper way to word it.
From my standpoint? I've done my research into psychology (i.e, textbooks, classes, studies), and something I can most certainly say, there defnitely has been more awareness of autism. But to say there's acceptance? I also have the same worry as you when it comes to how often those with it are accepted with having autism to begin with. I have the same jealousy when it comes to those who also have experienced more life than I have.
I will say: while I'm worried about further stigmatization of the condition and people who were diagnosed, I think I might be more worried of how they'll get treated from everyone who isn't in the loop with everyday media usage. Am I wording that right? Either way, I don't mean harm either. As much as it's great to see autism being spoken more positively nowadays, as I've seen it treated much worse... i worry about the future they'll have going forward. I know how you feel with this though, as it's tough to think about, but it's not like any harm was meant by it.
@Lemurian51611 I'm not sure if I should be the one truly understanding since I'm not officially diagnosed, but this is the first time I've ever seen these things being discussed and I have something to say.
Even though I'm not diagnosed I still worry about autism becoming something else than it already is. I've struggled with my identity for so long. I've been suspecting that I'm autistic for 3 years at least and yet I'm still not certain. But when I hear my friends all say that they're "so autistic" with such ease, I don't feel good about it. It's as if it's this silly quirk almost everyone has.
And I get jealous too - if people who talk to a psychologist just because they like to organise their notes neatly and can focus on things that interest them really well.
If they actually get diagnosed then what does that make my problems? Or the problems of others?
If they don't then how could we differentiate between people like that and people who are actually being serious?
