Type I Bipolar

Hi. I'm not exactly sure if I'm doing this right, but I wanted to get my story out there. If there's another way to go about it please let me know.

I was diagnosed Type I Bipolar about 6 months ago, but I've known for a lot longer. Both of my parents and an uncle of mine have it, and ever since I was about 14/15 they agreed that how I felt and what I went through was Type I Bipolar. I didn't seek help until it started getting in the way of my life and actually started holding me back. I've had Type I Bipolar for as long as I remember. When I did research, it kept saying "People may notice you aren't yourself due to manic symptoms." And that's when I realized my whole life, nobody ever noticed. The symptoms were just part of who I was. I was just a fast talking, hyperactive kid with random emotional outbursts. Even got misdiagnosed ADHD by my ex-Stepmom, who was the only person in my life to actually notice something was off. My racing thoughts, hyperactivity, fast speech, sense of grandeur, brash impulsiveness-it was all just who people thought I was. That's what scares me the most about my diagnosis, it's why I stopped seeing help and stopped taking my medicine. This has literally defined my personality for my whole life that I'm scared I won't like who I am after I get help. But at the same time, I hate how severe it's getting. I feel like I'm stuck in a car that's speeding towards a brick wall and I'm powerless to stop it. Then when I hit it, I try to clean the mess as best I can before I go hurtling towards the next brick wall. I know it's gonna hurt, I know there are consequences, but I can't stop, and I'm too scared to get help because Idk who I am. But I want to start trying again, and to have so many people that understand what I'm going through... Maybe I hope it'll make it easier. Sorry if that was too much or anything, just never really been able to talk to anyone but my dad about this stuff. Thanks for reading, I guess?