recently diagnosed with bipolar

before my old psychiatrist thought it was psychotic depression or schizophrenia cause i have sleep problems and was struggling really bad, new psychiatrist is great, still a bit wary of psychiatrists since my first one gaslighted me and said it was ‘all in my head’ (like no shit sherlock) but i was fine and now im spiraling. don’t want to talk with friends, just want to drop off the face of the earth and simply cease cause i am tired. i feel bad that it hasnt even been a full month since i saw my psychiatrist (and got waitlisted by my therapist cause it was the university therapist, had a 3 week wait time so i havent been able to go to therapy for 9 months now i think??? one cause i simply was busy with uni work and trying to keep afloat even though my grades are nothing special cause i suck LMAO but cause of that I am promptly losing my mind since im stuck at home with parents and all my friends are 500+ miles away >:/ and i feel like i cant commit to any hobbies ir even new games since i got a ps4 recently because i work and my brain is like we can’t do ANYTHING CAUSE WE HAVE TO PREPARE FOR WORK SCREW U FOR WANTING FREE TIME and i have no outlets cause im paranoid my parents will go through my room or my phone even though they have never done it before cause i have a whole facade i got them under so they think nothing is wrong except for what happened in 2020) but ANYWAYS i just simply cannot. but i also can’t cry but i have no one to talk to so i am absolutely rife with stress, 22 yrs worth of anger and instead of emailing my psychiatrist i am simply going to stay up for the next few days like i used to do and make terrible decisions. Originally came on here to ask for advice that could prevent me from not doing anything drastic but instead I vented whoops :)