A Psychotic Life
I went to a local hospital emergency room last night for medical clearance. I was admitting myself to an inpatient facility for extensive mental health treatment.
Not only was I unable to get the help I needed I was discharged from the hospital at 4:30 a.m. and after explaining that I didn't have transportation home, the hospital staff informed me that I had been discharged. Have A Nice Day.
I was left with absolutely no choice but to attempt to walk home somehow. Please understand that I'm visually impaired. I'm blind in my left eye and only have partial vision in the right.
Yet this hospital thought it was perfectly fine to allow me to wander out into the roadway as opposed to trying to assist me in some way. The hospital is Parkridge East Medical Center in East Ridge Tennessee.
What kind of human being does this to someone vulnerable who can't see?! Especially a health professional. So this is how things go for me, each time I reach out for help I'm met with resistance in some form or another.
The answer lies in the fact that I'm an old man. A meaningless old person who doesn't contribute to society in any way, just generally a nuisance, always holding up the line and being in the way of a fast moving world.
To say I'm tired of trying is a huge understatement. My quality of life is zero. I have no purpose, I serve no purpose. I'm merely existing and for no reason whatsoever. I'm planning on trying to make it to the 17th of this month which would be my 63rd birthday. And that is all. I'm not interested in continuing like this and I will not. I live in *** with no one at all to talk with or to turn to.
And so this has become my reality and I seem to be the one holding the key to allow me to escape this sickening existence. I look forward to whats next, this life no longer appeals to me. At all.
Wow I get why you are shocked and exasperated. I mean you needed help but got more trouble to deal with after attempting to seek help. And being visually impaired walking home at 4.30 am is dangerous.
Do you have family and friends who can help? There may be some non profit organisations which have communities where you can hang out with in Tennessee:
https://tnhra.org/services/elderly-disabled-services/
Daycare centres for you to interact and keep your mind stimulated or other service
You might consider TDMHSA older Adult program or book a session to consult a psychologist with your Medicaid.
I hope life gets better for you soon
@sincereYard7295
tooday is the 17th and im begging you if you are still here with us to stay and I know this is out of character but I don't know you an di want you to stay I feel the same way you do I promise I know how you feel I've been in and out of mental hospitals I've tried to end it I've hurt myself other in everyday I've been abused neglected everything but 18 years later I am still here and I want you to do the same stay if not for this community for me as a person
Umm thank you Audrey. I don't know how to react actually. Could I possibly message you?
@sincereYard7295
yes thats fine
Thank You Ms Audrey. I'm grateful. For your response definitely but I'm grateful for you. You mentioned that you too have experienced being On The Ward, as I refer to psychiatric hospitalization. You're obviously a kindred soul.
@sincereYard7295
I try
are you okay?
Well...
Today of course should be a decent day regardless. But my plan to buy myself a McDonald's hamburger and some ice cream was blown out of water when the one person I thought I trust stole my money
Incredible
So I'm just sitting here listening to some music. I was always around people. People were always around my house
Now everyone is gone. It's difficult
An MC D stealer is always the worst I'm sorry
So how's your day been
@sincereYard7295
its been a day
im trying went to some therapy classes that went well
so now just trying to relax music and an ensure
@tryinglittleaudrey
sorry drinking an ensure
i hate being alone it makes me feel more empty than was already so I understand
I hear you
What do you like to do to pass the time
@sincereYard7295
on my computer mostly or reading
@tryinglittleaudrey
if i can find something on tv like Ghost Adventures I can fixate on that for hours
I'm obsessed with that too. My mom would let me watch the old school horror movies like Frankenstein, The Mummy, and such. I loved horror movies and ghost stories even as a child.
And.... although I'm 63 I love really heavy music. I love music period but I usually prefer heavier stuff.
@sincereYard7295
I have to be in a mood to listen to that heavy headbanging music which is quiet often I have a whole playlist for it
I remember my grandma always told be that the more I watch things like that the more real they become
I got scared
I live in an area where a large part of the civil war was fought. This entire area was a battlefield. There's actually a huge park about 1 mile from me that is a national civil war battlefield designated for tourists but it's federal government property.
The whole area is reported to be extremely haunted due to the thousands of soldiers who died here
@sincereYard7295
my type of experience
@sincereYard7295
get the spirt box and the EVP recorder stat
Yeah I love reading
I have to listen to books now because of my vision
my vision is there sometimes too i haven't worn my glasses in like over a year I have to get my eyes to focus to read and to watch something I'm all up on it
how are you after the whole deal with you having to walk home?
I'm alright physically. I'm really kinda disheartened about the experience but I did file complaints and I have been very proactive in pushing for some resolution. I was told Monday that the hospital Head Administrator is going to be meeting with that particular doctor.
He should be fired. I expressed that too
@sincereYard7295
fired immediately
what did yyou eat instead since you didn't eat McDonald's
Nothing yet
I think I'm so disappointed that I've lost my appetite
@sincereYard7295
I'm sorry maybe chocolate would cheer you up cant go wrong with chocolate ohh or ice cream
There's a small grocery store literally right across the street from me and I could get something but that would require walking and I'm just being lazy lol
being lazy is better than doing something regrettable
right now I've been sitting for like 2 or 3 hours no lie
I'm the queen of lazy at this very moment I will refuse to move even if I hear a fire alarm go off
well....if I hear free Ice cream I would be up in a instant
I was always really active when I was younger. The type of work I did allowed me to get to travel some. I wasn't always what society might deem as a totally responsible person in that I would sometimes work for 10 months or a year or so and save some money.
Finally when the bug bit I would pack a few things, jump in my car and it would be road trip time.
RODE TRIP
🥳
Hey I appreciate you talking with me
An unexpected birthday gift