A Psychotic Life
I went to a local hospital emergency room last night for medical clearance. I was admitting myself to an inpatient facility for extensive mental health treatment.
Not only was I unable to get the help I needed I was discharged from the hospital at 4:30 a.m. and after explaining that I didn't have transportation home, the hospital staff informed me that I had been discharged. Have A Nice Day.
I was left with absolutely no choice but to attempt to walk home somehow. Please understand that I'm visually impaired. I'm blind in my left eye and only have partial vision in the right.
Yet this hospital thought it was perfectly fine to allow me to wander out into the roadway as opposed to trying to assist me in some way. The hospital is Parkridge East Medical Center in East Ridge Tennessee.
What kind of human being does this to someone vulnerable who can't see?! Especially a health professional. So this is how things go for me, each time I reach out for help I'm met with resistance in some form or another.
The answer lies in the fact that I'm an old man. A meaningless old person who doesn't contribute to society in any way, just generally a nuisance, always holding up the line and being in the way of a fast moving world.
To say I'm tired of trying is a huge understatement. My quality of life is zero. I have no purpose, I serve no purpose. I'm merely existing and for no reason whatsoever. I'm planning on trying to make it to the 17th of this month which would be my 63rd birthday. And that is all. I'm not interested in continuing like this and I will not. I live in *** with no one at all to talk with or to turn to.
And so this has become my reality and I seem to be the one holding the key to allow me to escape this sickening existence. I look forward to whats next, this life no longer appeals to me. At all.
💞💖😊 anytime
anytime stay well
Would you mind if I messaged you again....
@sincereYard7295
anytime if im on i dont care whenever
Hey Ms Audrey. I hope your day is going well. Just wanted to say hi.
@sincereYard7295
hey sorry ive been busy alllllll day but I'm good. How are you feeling?
Well considering, I suppose I'm alright. It's good hearing from you.
I found out this afternoon that my stepdad David died today from cancer.
He was only just diagnosed a few weeks ago.
@sincereYard7295
Oh my goodness, that's tough
did you know him well?
Yeah we got along really well. He was a quiet guy and was super kind and he was crazy about my mom. She really loved him so much too. Mom passed away 4 years ago and David has been there for me since.
My heart is broken. Death has followed me and surrounded me since I was 12. I'm so very tired.
@sincereYard7295
i would be too.death takes time to deal with, especially when your close and being around death for such a young age never makes it easier
just a few weeks that so a short notice, and even tougher to deal with that's heartbreaking recently I found out one of my aunts has at least one year to well...be here with us her kindeys I think are failing I haven't been able to see her in years or the family members that have left I didn't get to say goodbye because of my current living situation
It's tough to be away from family members when you just sometimes need them. Even if it's just for a kind word. My mom was like the matriarch of our huge family. Everyone went to her for advice, help, food, money etc
After she passed away the entire family went to ***. I haven't heard from anyone in over 4 years now.
@sincereYard7295
I feel you
its never easy
When we don't have the glue in the picture anymore, everything goes to****
Very true.
So how're things going with you this evening?
@sincereYard7295
made dog treats with another client and my therapist took 3 hours then read a book and crashed for about 2 hours but I did wake up kinda late around 11 but that is normal for me stay up late doing really nothing productive, then sleeping in late
but I did play with my therapist dogs kiki and rae while we were making the treats by the way don't make dog treats while having dogs around
@tryinglittleaudrey
sorry me and my therapist
I guess maybe the dogs didn't assist in the actual Making of the treats?
@sincereYard7295
umm no just tried to eat everything
are you one of those people who wake up at the crack of dawn and drink coffee or sleep in?
Umm no
I don't drink coffee at all and I usually don't sleep much. I mean I don't have a particular bedtime or wake up time. I sleep whenever I feel tired which is rare anymore but I generally only sleep 2 or 3 hours at a time.
@sincereYard7295
I could never well.. when my depression hits hard its either or sleep all day most through the night or don't sleep at all ut when I'm doing"fine" its usually 10 to 9 hours of sleep
If you don't mind me asking, I'm not trying to cross any boundaries but, do you have like a significant other, a boyfriend or something to help along the way. It's so incredibly hard to deal with depression alone. I know.
@sincereYard7295
I sort of do i have a girlfriend but I haven't talked to her in a few weeks but I have staff always with me and to be honest my treatment team helps me out sometimes I love my therapist most of my family isnt someone I would go to for that kind of help but my girlfriend shes means a lot to me so that helps she understands so that helps more than anything
That's awesome
I have been married in the past. But for the last 6 years I've been alone. I have had wives and girlfriends etc but regardless I still have always just felt alone.
@sincereYard7295
I'm here even though we aren't face-to-face
i hear you
I'm here, and so is this community
i care i see you even though its not physically, i see you mentally and your kind soul
kiki is a rebel she stole some of the treats when we were putting the frosting on them on the table but you cant be mad shes a little baby
who knows how to jump on tables, get in bags and tear her toys
well i love talking with you and I'm usually on every day I'm subscribed to this conversation and if you need to talk I will get on as soon as I can
but I need to clean take my meds and get ready to finish one of my books but I'm here
anytime sending love
stay safe
