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Bipolar 2 disorder for me makes life a rollarcoaster. Sometimes I'm too depressed to leave bed, sometimes I'm out partying at strangers places for days straight or applying to med schools or buying plane tickets when I'm broke. I'm lucky that I usually don't struggle with the psychosis some people are unlucky to experience, only once or twice due to medication changes have I ever been full blown manic, talking to the walls and not sleeping for 3 weeks. For me the way that I live with this disorder is recognizing and self evaluating where I'm at and taking measures to level myself out. The most important thing when I'm hypomanic is sleep, food and water. I also try and force myself to meditate and set a schedule that gets my energy out in a healthy way, like playing music or working out. When I'm depressed I set goals for the day, get some sun, workout and journal. I just remind myself that these are not permanent feelings and that they will pass in a while, whether that be days or weeks or months. It's a hard battle. But it is possible to live well with mental illness.

Hi,

New here...

I have't been officially diagnosed because the psychiatrist didn't know where to put me... basically, he said I could belong to various places... The things for certain is generalized anxiety, a very well controlled social anxiety, ADD & recurring depression. The psychiatrist did give me Lithium and it does work very well.

My dad is Bipolar, I think my sister too. And to me, I am pretty sure to be cyclothimic or something of the sort. I get high ups (without doing way too cray things) I have so much of self control. I get very depressed but keep being functionnal. But still, almost all the time I have super highs and happy and hopeful and I can do everything I want and desire and I am so talented, and all the rainbow stuff, and somehow, 2 hours after, my life is a mess, I should be ashamed, I am worthless and everything is eroded inside.

I was raised in a sect, and though it was not a nice childhood, I think it game me so traits that somehow manages my craziness.

People don't know me, they just know the happy smiling caring me. If I tell someone about how depressed I am (except very very close friends), they always are so surprised. People don't see the entire me... Not the depressed being in a corner crying and desperate me.

I stopped taking the lithium 1 week ago, because all the time, after a few months of it, I feel like I am not in touch with reality anymore, I am so equal, and that is scary too.

Anyway. Hi. :)

For me some days I like to hang out with my friends and scream things at the top of my lungs to the point they think Im crazy and other days I wont even talk Ill just stare at the window and I feel awful and want to cry

i have not been officially diagnosed with bipolar but i feel it somewhere in me thats whats wrong. ive been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and im not on meds for that anymore because ive learned how to control it on my own (though there are days where i cant), but this i cant control. every night i go to sleep not knowing who im going to be in the morning. for periods of time i can shoot out of bed and have the happiest days. those days are very high energy but my brain is running at s million miles an hour. i talk so fast like im trying to rush my words before someone shuts them off. its like im invincible in these kinds of episodes. then other days i cant even pull myself to get up and even brush my teeth. i catch myself disassociating and drifting off in the middle of conversations and at work. im so incredibly irritable that if someone looks at me the wrong way im sent into a spiral of rage and i cant let that situation go for days. its become very hard for me lately.

Thank God for this forum.. I'm aware I'm in denial of being Bipolar type 2. My mother is bipolar, and my sister has Adjustment disorder with depressive episodes.. I was at first diagnosed a year ago with panic disorder and ADHD... then Major depression.. When he mentioned I was Bipolar type 2, I tried everything to change that.. i know deep down im not fooling him or myself.. i just didnt want to become the person who hurt me.. I didn't want to become my mother. And i DID admit that to him.. besides having a mood disorder, my sister and I also grew up in a very abusive, violent, toxic household.. but keep in mind its not her fault.. Everything is being handled with our family therapist now and my own psychiatrist.. its not easy to handle and having a strong support system matters.. still learning to accept my diagnosis and learn to cope with it..

Now how it feels? It's annoying.. it gets in the way.. sometimes i feel frustrated by it.. I hate when I cant stop my tears or fight them back.. or when I cry during inappropriate times.. and im over sensitive and over emotional.. so i will cry about anything and everything and feel way too much emotions.. yesterday i felt a mini panic attack happen suddenly while i was relaxing in bed on my laptop.. and I just wanted it to stop so bad i began to cry cause it wont stop.. my anxiety attacks used to be so painful.. my chest would beat so hard and fast.. sometimes i felt i couldnt breathe and twice I remember feeling dizzy as if the room wouldnt stop moving so i held onto the floor.. There are times where my ADHD part of my bipolar would get me in trouble.. ive gotten into 2 car accidents in the same freaking month.. and for a while I havent been able to drive outside my town (lol), got written up at work 3xs.. almost lost my job (then I met my psychiatrist and managed my anxiety and ADHD). Other than that, i remember being able to do everything and anything.. sometimes a bit sloppy but i had so much energy. I did sports, play guitar, draw, and i was on the honor roll even as a sophmore in college.. hypomania honestly isnt something for me to complain about... i could move a whole 13hr shift on just 2hrs of sleep..
But then there are times (especially now in the winter) where I would just fall straight into major depression... I would sleep for 13+hrs, do nothing but stay in bed.. feel a heavy elephant sitting on my chest.. cry.. feel a dark blue atmosphere.. nothing would get done..
It's as if there's 2 of me Im aware of. The more successful me and the completely failure me..
Im still learning to accept my diagnosis.. one day at a time I'll cope better..

I currently hate life at the moment.. tired of the constant ups and downs.. literally a few months back in fall I had it all together. Passing Nursing school, quit smoking, healthy/fit, credit debt paid off... Then suddenly January 2019 and we start the year so so bad.. found out i failed the nursing semester.. have to take another 2 more years to succeed in this journey.. I literally was so close.. just needed to get to May 2019.. then from there, I just spiraled into my depressive/fatigued out state.. and it didnt help with having seasonal depression.. was just sleeping so much, and picking up old bad habits (smoking), gained back my 25lbs that I managed to lose when I was on my gym journey (which I fell off of because of nursing school), and recently said some hurtful things to my fiance (together for 4 yrs) which lead to him leaving me.. (well he still loves me, but he cant handle my toxic environment at home, my mood swings, AND his 2 jobs and bills...)

Its just not my year.. I've been crying almost everyday since my fiance' and I broke up. Granted, the love is still there and I have hope.. But i truly do need to work on myself better with my therapist, and fix my relationship with my toxic/abusive parents at home (which is effecting school/work/relationships in my life..).
My relationship with my mother is so toxic.. but I know its not her fault. I still love her. She just doesnt control her Bipolar symptoms (she was diagnosed as bipolar but refuses treatment).

To make matters even worse, my mother recently got fired, and my fathers pulling doubles and working his body to keep up with the bills and food... I just hope my mom finds a job soon.. I feel like my life is just going straight down hill.. when literally a second ago, I was about to become a nurse and be healthy and happy and successful...

Other than these recent life events occuring, handling seasonal depression sucks.. my muscles have been so heavy and tired, ive been needing more sleep than usual (like 14hrs max), getting tired easily, sad randomly, over emotional, unhealthy coping, giving into my impulsiveness (spending sprees are getting out of control), and just being irritable and nasty to those I love...

Today I felt like ending my journey.. but instead I pushed thru and decided to log on to here and TRY...
Hope everyone else's journey has been less bumpy :(

@MistyMagic

For some reason I couldn't do this on the app, but through Safari it's fine.

Anyways,

Bipolar for me is like an ocean being tossed by a storm. It's powerful and confusing and constantly changing directions. Tidal waves to ripples to crashing in the shore.

My cycles take a long time. I can be manic for weeks on end and after awhile the mania causes severe anxiety that if bad enough will manifest as a figure of a man. I know he isnt real but I can't help but react to his presence when I see him out of the corner of my eye. Luckily, my mania hasn't become that severe recently but it has in the past. The lows can last for months making even the simplest tasks feel impossible. I can also go through long periods where I feel relatively stable something like "high functioning" bipolar. Well, that's how I describe it anyways. I've had a few mixed episodes but not many - thankfully.

Honestly, I hate the anxiety the most along with the outward presentation of bipolar that looks like irrresponibility from the outside looking in - the drugs, sex, self harm that most don't understand can be related. I haven't been on meds in 2 years and have been managing well but recently I've been struggling.

Hi, I'm new.

I have suffered through bipolar symptoms since I first entered my teens, bipolar disorder and severe depression is something doctor told me I had. That's the thing, it doesn't add up.

Depression is supposed to be... depressing.

But I'm like that only some times, at other times I'm so filled with energy, I can't stop talking, walking around for random reason, I can't sit still, restlessness, useless hapiness over the smallest of things. And then there's the time when I'm actually depressed, its a cycle now. Sometimes I'm crazy happy and others I'm totally withdrawn.

I know it links to childhood trauma but its so hard to talk to anyone, anyone at all. My parents are partially the cause of everything as well, my siblings are too young, my relatives are crazy, my friends have their own life and I don't want to burden them with my shit. I only told one of them of a small part of my past and she looked at me completely differently.

At the age of 7, I was force dto realize that the society I belonged to didn't value females. They were powerless, it was the type of community where they would blam ethe victim and I was 7 when I first became a victim. My mother was th eonly one who knew and she snapped at me when I asked for help.

Now its just a constant battle with the urge to self harm or suicide, but I don't do either because my mother relies on me. She talks to me about things she can;t talk to anyone else about and I know that without me she wouldn't have anyone to tell all of it too because the other ladies in the family also go through similar problems.

Unrequited love, abuse(All sorts), demeaning comments. None of these will worsen your condition so stay safe and if someone says anything mean or hurtful to you, talk to someone. I regret my decision to close myself off at times I'm feeling... weak. So, even if I'm in need of help myself I'm willing to lend a shoulder if you need one.

So... I am painfullly shy and not used to being able to talk about my bipolar. In my family it is always something to keep quiet. I have been diagnosed with bipolar for about 5 years now, but it came out as a couple other disorders for a while first.

Lately, I had a lot of changes made to my life and they all came super fast. It sent me into a downward spiral that I'm having trouble getting myself out of. I recently withdrew from college and moved out on my own for the first time and it's really hard getting myself on my feet.

Sometimes I am able to get myself to do things, but in a day, I can go from being able to do something to needing to sleep for hours on end to not being able to sleep at all. It's been a major rollercoaster ride and getting harder to handle every day.

(tw: suicidal thoughts, self harm) I resent my bipolar disorder but I don't know where (or who, for that matter), I would be without it. I'm always asking the question, "why me?" Psychosis is hard. Psychosis is scary, and I've barely lived and have still wanted to die multiple times in my life.

I first wanted to die when I was only thirteen years old. I hadn't ever had my first kiss. I hadn't fallen in love. I hadn't known how to drive. I had never taken a real risk. I hadn't lived, and yet I wanted to die. I had vivid daydreams of hurting other people. It scared me, so I resorted to hurting myself.

I'm nineteen now, and I've since learned how to live (I think). I've gotten medicated for my disorder. I have fallen and stayed in love. I've kissed, I've driven, and I've taken risks. But I still have those four "X" shaped scars on my left thigh. I still get enraged and/or apathetic sometimes. My mind will never not be affected by my bipolar disorder. It doesn't go away. No matter what all the mental recovery fairytales like to tell you, it will never go away.

It comes in waves, that's the problem with bipolar. I'm stable now, and I think I'm doing well, but there's still those times in life where I feel like my life is going nowhere. There's still times where I feel helpless, and there's times where I feel on top of the world. But I take solace in the fact that I always get out of them. I can always dust myself off and keep going. I'm not looking forward for the next time I'll have to, but I'll be prepared.