On Medical (Stress) Leave
I am on medical/stress leave at the recommendation of my family doctor. My depression and anxiety have been growing steadily for a long time and my life has been less than enjoyable for a few years. I went to my boss a couple weeks ago and told him how I was feeling: overworked, underappreciated, under paid, pushed to the max and completely burnt out. I am a Digital Marketing Specialist. It's my job to be creative and analytical, but he has pushed me so hard that I am so burnt out I don't know if I can actually come back from it. Then in our next team meeting he made a comment about my "brain coming back" and I have never felt so small in my entire life.
I live with ADHD, GAD, Severe Depression and C-PTSD. I am also trying to fix my marriage, be a caregiver to my mother (which is completely stressful on its own), have two kids and with the economical crisis in Canada...our family finances are bleak to say the least. My leave is unpaid because my boss is too cheap to give us benfits. I have been applying to job after job and get no replies. I even have my own business, but finding clients is really hard right now because I have to charge "Canadian" prices and many companies are figuring out that you can get much cheaper "remote workers" from countries like the Philippines.
I am terrified for my family. For my job. For this medical leave. I have been working since I was 13 (I'm 34 now), and I have never felt this financially stressed or career stressed in my entire life.
I don't know what to do with myself on this leave. I don't have money to go sign up for programs or anything. I'm so tired I don't even want to get out of bed. I cry all the time. I'm so tired...my soul is exhausted. I don't know how much more I can take.
@BrokenButterfly33
It was a bold move to take the time being unpaid etc... but you value your mental health that is NOT a bad thing... congratulate yourself so many do not take that route and wait until the break...
The stress is most likely overwhelming and feels there is no out.... i have been there worried i would crack and i asked the universe or god whatever you believe in ....... i said i am end of rope if i was supposed to be learning something on this path it was not working i need to be shown a different way to learn whatever life lesson i was on...
kind of like the path on 7cups when you can click see another exercise .....
anyway that was at 3 am on a Tuesday i found a new path/ job / people to interact with on Thursday.
i believe everyone you come into contact with are either a lesson or a blessing....... not saying it always works but in my case it was a lifesaver.
Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words. I know I'm doing the best I can, I just really dislike the unknown, which doesn't make this any easier.
So far, I mean I'm only on day two of my leave, I'm realizing a lot of things just aren't as important as I was worrying about. I know I need to find a new job and I will. I just hope I'm feeling well enough at the end of this month to start something new. I fear thar I'm too broken, too burnt out to be of any use to anyone. This exhaustion is something else. I've seen my doctor and she's done tests so it's not 'physical', but even she says it could take months to come back from this.
@BrokenButterfly33 Hey I am so sorry you are going through this, I read through your post.
I am not a therapist but I don't think there is anything wrong with you taking some time, you might gain more clarity and find better opportunities during your time off, maybe even come to find out things are not as bad as they seem? I don't know. I am just trying to offer some support.
I apologize if this is not very helpful