2) Community Questions and Answers - The Basis of Mental Health Awareness and Support (OUTDATED)

@SoulfullyAButterfly

https://www.7cups.com/qa-breakups-21/what-to-do-when-you-feel-you-are-not-good-enough-for-someone-5982/

For me, it is a very important topic for an individual in a relationship

Why?

As we grow personally, we start to discover new things about ourselves. We start doing the things we never thought we would as a result of circumstances.

We also start to question our self-worth, that we never thought we would because of the position we find ourselves in our various aspects of life.

As human beings , we have negative self-talk sometimes because of how we feel about ourselves.

Most times it's the way our partners nurtures and cares for us and we feel like we aren't doing the right thing or we aren't good enough.

The first step to having a healthy relationship, entails self-love because it overpowers it all.

Not everyone sees themselves walking in the path of self-love which is not an offence but a phase!

The good news is, you aren't alone because one of the best ways to relieve that inner critic is through therapy and surrounding yourself with the right set of people is a growth path that can help people who make you feel appreciated and builds your self confidence.

Communication is also very important because, when you have the right dialogue with the right set of people, positive results come out of it. Please try not shy away from therapy.

At the end of the day ,you need to remember that you are still that same amazing person that you always are.

Question: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

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Ans:

Feelings of lowered self-worth can arise due to different reasons. Children of parents that are over-involved or controlling of their child, or have their own self-esteem issues, for example, can pass on these compromised feelings of self-worth.

Another situation that leads to decreased self-confidence could also be social media. In this digital age, it has become common to show an unrealistic lifestyle. As human beings, we go through good times and bad times. However, many individuals on social media tend to only show the good side of their life, whether that is the reality or not.

If you are feeling you aren’t good enough for someone, the first step would be to understand the underlying reasons for it. Is your inner critic causing you to indulge in negative self-talk? Have you struggled your whole life to have a healthy relationship with your family members?

Asking yourself what the true reason is, might help you steer in the right direction.

Question Response

There may be many examples when we do not consider ourselves to be good enough for someone. As human beings we have many roles as parents, partners, employees or bosses, regardless of the role, feelings of not enough can overtake us and effect our confidence.

Not feeling good for someone has a lot to do with the self esteem, how you were brought up, trained and taken care of contributes to the level of confidence you would have as adults. Understanding yourself and being overly aware of your values helps build up your self esteem. You are unique and amazing as an individual, acknowledging and accepting that fact helps in the best possible way to work on yourself and not trying to compare you with others.

The first step to identify your esteem has been completely diminished or there's no iota of self worth is to be aware of what and how you feel, therapy has proven to be extremely helpful when highlighting certain tendencies that may have influenced the esteem to a large extent. Social media, friends and so on can affect an individual's self esteem. Discarding the negative self talk and working on the inner critic helps you to relax and be a better person, have healthy relationships, know your worth, have great communication and enjoy your whole life at the end of the day.

You are so more than enough.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

3 strengths :
i) The post was informative and helpful
ii) It provides a detailed knowledge on various mental health concerns and the advices one can provide regarding that thus enabling the person to widen his ideas and learn a lot more.
iii)The introduction of keywords is just awesome as it'll often make it easier for people to focus on the main points so that they don't miss out on them whilw volunteering in this area.

1 Improvement :
It would have been great if links of the accounts of some successful CDM trainees or the negative side of volunteering in this area was portrayed so that people will become aware not to make those set of mistakes.

Question- What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

Answer- Whenever anything goes wrong, be it the relationship with your friends, family members or partner, we often tend to question ourselves and our inner critics only pick out our flaws and put them in front of us.

Often, in the middle of this pressure, we seem to forget the ways in which we are unique and how it makes us different from everyone.

But the question that arises is how do you help yourselves in such terrible situations where you build up a lot of self doubt and your self-esteem considerably lowers?

1. Don't always believe what you think!

I know this sounds a little cruel but our minds also welcome intrusive thoughts. Thoughts which do not nothing but make you doubt yourself. The ones that start with "What if I was pretty like them" and ends with you forcing yourself to question yourself. It hampers with all the self love you hold for yourself. Whenever such thoughts enter your mind, walk to a mirror and look at yourself. Stare at your reflection and tell yourself that you are enough and you're unique in your own ways and if someone doesn't accept you the way you are, then it is never your fault.

2. You need to allow yourself to love and care for the parts of you when you feel like you least deserve it.

In state of anger, shame, regret or anxiety, we often tend to tell ourselves that we do not deserve empathy and love. You need to accept all version of yourself, even when you feel like you don't deserve forgiveness, try to forgive yourself. We all are bound to make mistakes because we arent perfect. Be real to yourself and to others around you. Your real self matters more than being perfect.

3. You can't hate your way into loving yourself.

Belittling yourself won't make you the best version of yourself. You can't tell yourself that you are a failure in hopes that you'll be successful. Telling yourself that you can never healthy relationship won't make you have any. Negative self talk with yourself and allowing your inner critic to lower your self-confidence won't make you a better version of yourself. I know this sounds weird but the first step to becoming a better version is to love yourself. Even when you want to change, you need to love yourself, all parts of you and all versions of you.

At the end of the day, you need to hold onto the fact you are enough the way you are. That loving yourself and choosing you is the right thing to do. That self love will pave your way to always being a better version of yourself.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Our worth as parents, a partner, children, or family members, sometimes even as human beings in general, is usually taken from how society perceives us. These past few years, because of the recent pandemic, our self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love have mostly been defined by what we see on social media. Whatever good news there is drowns in the sea of the bad.

Three great things I’ve learned through the years:

Never compare. Never complain. Never blame.

Or at least try to avoid it. This is the root of why our inner critics go on overdrive whenever we feel like someone doesn’t appreciate us the way we deserve.

Try not to compare. As mentioned in my favorite poem “Desiderata” by Max Ehrmann, “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”

Try not to complain. There will always be other people who have it worse. It’s not to invalidate your struggles, it’s to shift your focus to all the things you have despite the problems.

And try not to blame. We never know what leads people to decide how they treat you or make you feel. Remember that it doesn’t reflect you; it reflects on them as humans.

The best way, the first step, is to anchor yourself and know who you are. Avoid negative self-talk and when you have self-doubt, make sure to listen to your inner voice. The one that always helps your self-confidence and points you to always do the right thing and go for a healthy relationship with yourself.

Others’ opinion of you doesn’t have to become your reality. :)

@SoulfullyAButterfly

My answer:

I have good news for you. Every human being is unique. A product of their experiences and the way they responded to those experiences. So, first step could be realising this amazing fact. The person you might be trying to be “good enough” for is unique as well and has their own perception of “good”, based on their experience. Do you think it’s rational or desirable to try to force ourself to fit a mould created by someone else?

It’s perfectly normal, in fact noble, to try to desire to be good enough for someone, be it family, parents, partner or children. But one need to realise that you cant make everyone happy.

Sometimes this feeling of not being good enough makes us question our self-worth and affects our self-esteem. Social-media is one of the culprits to be blamed for this self-doubt. That perfect world is just in the pictures. Everyone has issues. Every couple has fights or self-doubt. No one can always be good enough for anyone.

Sometimes the real reason behind this feeling is our ruthless inner critic and negative self-talk. Replacing it with positive talk and reaffirmations can help.

In healthy relationships, communication with the partner is the key to resolving this feeling.

At end of the day one need to see that nothing is in black or white. We’re all in shades of gray. Thus, we can’t always be good enough for our loved ones. We have our good or not so good moments. It’s the feeling that you want to be good enough that matters. That already makes you an amazing person.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Question: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

Answer: Almost everyone has felt like they are not good enough for someone at some point in their lives. It may seem that are a better person than you in different aspects, and you may begin to compare yourself to them. Our inner critic gives us different reasons why we do not deserve to be with that person, and sometimes this may be due to past trauma that has resulted to a low self-esteem.

As a child growing up, our parents may have compared us to other people's children, or we may have had a partner who always pointed out our flaws, sometimes it may even be the influence of social media. Social media tends to show people who have amazing lives, who have achieved things we never have. This can bring down a person's self-worth.

Mark Twain once said, "The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself''. While it is simply human to give into self-doubt and indulge in negative self-talk sometimes, it is important to remember that the only person who is always going to be there, is you.

A simple exercise would be to look around you, and list the strengths of those you love or care about. Imagine them saying they are not good enough for you, and repeat the response you would say to them to yourself. We are usually kinder to other people than we are to ourselves. By replacing the negative voice in your head with self-love, you will realize that simply because you exist, you are good enough.

Here is a blog where the writer shares her personal experiences of not feeling good enough, and how they overcome that:

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-things-to-remember-when-you-think-youre-not-good-enough/

@SoulfullyAButterfly Question: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

Provided Keywords: parents, partner, self-esteem, social media, self-worth, good news, best way, first step, human beings, children, therapy, self-love, family members, better person, good time, good luck, inner critic, self-doubt, negative self-talk, real reason, whole life, amazing person, self-confidence, voice, right thing, healthy relationship, great things, information, communication, end of the day

Not feeling good enough for someone, is something many of us has went through our whole life. Having this constant nagging feeling of our inner critic makes us keep on focusing on our negative self talk, instead of having a good time with our loved ones. Usually our feelings of inadequacy stems from having in having low self worth and self-esteem which results in self doubt and lack of self-confidence.

The good news out of this is that, anyone can overcome this feeling. The first step, albeit a hard one, is to find the real reason of your emotion. Not having a healthy relationship with our family or other family members when we were children is usually a common reason for having low self worth and confidence in ourself. The best way to unravel the reason is investing in therapy, as it can help you figure out the why's of your feelings, and then find a solution to overcome it.

Studies have shown that overuse of Social Media is linked with insecurity and lowered self-worth. Which shows that avoiding social media, or using it at the optimal level is a great solution to overcome our feelings of inadequacy. For us human beings, social comparison is a common happenstance that takes place in every culture. The often picture perfect lifestyle shown in social media can lower your confidence, as you get unconsciously dragged into an online peer pressure where you have to strive for something beyond your level to get accepted by many.

Practicing self love, is a crucial step to cross, whilst intending to get over our fear of never being enough. Affirmations, having an open minded communication with your Partner or loved ones about your feelings instead of suppressing them, journaling, etc. , are notable methods to practice self love. Not matter where you're from and what you have went through, you are an amazing person that's capable of great things. Therefore, its better to focus on becoming a better person instead on the emotion that makes you feel bad about yourself.

Now that all these are read and understood, its worthy to note that the entire process can't be accomplished in a single day it takes self awareness and a paramount of patience to overcome the habit of our negative voice. This, however shouldn't demotivate you .Because at the end of the day, the person who spends the rest of the time with yourself, is you. That's all the more reason to love and treat yourself better, which includes not being harsh on ourself. As that is the right thing to do.

Good luck !