2) Community Questions and Answers - The Basis of Mental Health Awareness and Support (OUTDATED)

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Question: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

Keywords: parents, partner, self-esteem, social media, self-worth, good news, best way, first step, human beings, children, therapy, self-love, family members, better person, good time, good luck, inner critic, self-doubt, negative self-talk, real reason, whole life, amazing person, self-confidence, voice, right thing, healthy relationship, great things, information, communication, end of the day

It's hard to feel as though your partner, parents, children, friends or other family members don't see you as the amazing person you are. Feeling this way can damage your self esteem and make it much easier to engage in negative self talk and self doubt.

We can't always control how other people feel about us but a first step may be to connect with this person and see if you can get some information to figure out how to get to a healthy relationship with each other. Communication like this can be very difficult though and you may not get the responses you wish for.

The best thing would be to work on thinking of yourself as a better person and increasing your self-worth. You could do this by participating in self-love activities such as doing things you enjoy, treating yourself, self massage etc.

It could help to remind yourself of the things you like about yourself which could boost your self confidence. Check in with the type of social media content that you are surrounding yourself with too. Comparing yourself to others could reinforce this negative view of yourself when actually you are capable of great things.

At the end of the day, if this is something you're struggling with please reach out and schedule some therapy if that is available to you.

@SoulfullyAButterfly As humans, there always arises a question " What if I am not good enough for them?". It is human tendency to self-doubt ourselves, or even have negative conversations with ourselves. We might fail to understand our worth in people's lives and might feel demotivated or discouraged in life. But the actual question would be, " Is it really worth me self-doubting myself?" Rather than doubting ourselves for the whole life, if we learn to embrace ourselves with our faults or imperfections, life will turn out to be beautiful that it already is. We are all born awesome. The more we compare ourselves with others, the more hurt or discouraged we feel.

What are the factors that lead to self-doubt? It can be after a terrible fight with your partner, or social media where you see a perfect couple posing, family members try to put that thought in your head, you fail to impress your parents, not being confident enough etc. We always have an inner self critic ready to criticize.

The first and the most important step to overcome this is to start loving yourself. You are the best and the most amazing person in this world for yourself. It is very important to know our self-worth, how much we mean to ourselves. Children are the best human beings who are not blinded by these thoughts of not being the best version of themselves. They always do things that make them happy. Self-confidence is the best way to overcome this. Self-esteem builds self confidence in us. All of these emotions are inter-related to each other. Self-love would attract great things in life including having a healthy relationship, having a good and quality time with yourself, having good communication with your peers and a life with peace and harmony. In the end, our peace matters the most as the most important person in your life is YOU!

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Oftentimes we feel like we are not good enough for someone else like for example your partner, parents, family members, friends, or even strangers across social media. The first step is to analyze the situation: what makes you think that you are not good enough? What information do you have? Have these people communicated this to you?

Often we project onto others our negative self-talk and the way we see ourselves. If we lack self-esteem and think that we are lacking, then others must do too. But that is not always the case, our inner critic is just very loud. We can even take things that people say in the wrong way because of our lack of self-confidence.

I have been in your situation and these are my top tips:

• Communicate with your loved ones about how you are feeling, especially if they are the ones you think you are disappointing. It can be daunting but you will either get the reassurance that this is not the case, or feedback on how you can become an even better person. Communication is important for a healthy relationship, and being open about our feelings can lead to great things.

• Practice self-love! The best way to increase your sense of self-worth is by loving and accepting who you are. There are plenty of free online resources, including in the 7cups forums. Find the right thing for you, you can journal, meditate, paint, and get creative! If you are still struggling, consider talking to a therapist or psychology professional that can help you navigate these emotions.

• Look at the bigger picture. At the end of the day, there are 8 billion human beings in this world, each of them with their standards and expectations. Not everyone will be your cup of tea and vice versa. That doesn’t reduce their or your worth at all! You are an amazing person capable of great things, independent of how someone else may perceive you.

• Last but not least, it’s amazing to strive for self-improvement and personal growth! However, changing yourself and dedicating your whole life to fit someone else’s expectations is probably not the best idea.

It’s a hard thing to deal with and I understand it may feel frustrating. But the right people in your life will love you for who you are while helping you to become the best version of yourself!

Good luck, you got this! ☺️

Question: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

Provided Keywords: parents, partner, self-esteem, social media, self-worth, good news, best way, first step, human beings, children, therapy, self-love, family members, better person, good time, good luck, inner critic, self-doubt, negative self-talk, real reason, whole life, amazing person, self-confidence, voice, right thing, healthy relationship, great things, information, communication, end of the day

Answer: Sometimes there’s not much of a worse feeling than that of not feeling good enough for the partner you love. Unfortunately, many people experience this issue with self-esteem and self-confidence in their relationship from time to time and it is critical to find healthy ways of overcoming these thoughts. Sometimes, these thoughts come from our own poor self-image, driven by a myriad of factors that may not directly be the result of how we are treated by our family members. Other times, we may have the misfortune of being in an abusive relationship, whether it be physical or emotional abuse, thereby reinforcing our thoughts of feeling like a failure. The latter is not indicative of a healthy relationship and it’s important to reach out for help when we find ourselves in that situation.

Whether we have this feeling of not being good enough due to this type of abusive or manipulative relationship or whether it be from somewhere within, these thoughts can lead to persistent anxiety and even depression.

For people experiencing not feeling good enough and can find it in them to want to feel better (e.g.: not self-sabotaging), it is important to speak honestly to our partners and others in our lives about how we feel. Opening communication to those we love can share our sides of the story about why we feel the way we do and hopefully allow our loved ones to not only understand why we feel not good enough, but to also work towards reassuring us of our value and the ultimate goal of healing. Of course, the healthy way of doing this is to do so in a constructive manner, open to feedback, and neither party pointing fingers.

Additionally, it is absolutely vital to understand how impactful our words can be. Consistent negative reinforcement toward someone already feeling not good enough can be continually keeping them in this state. As the person feeling not good enough, we should ask the other person to choose their words more carefully and to rephrase things toward being more constructive and less leaning toward the negative. As the partner or loved one on the other end, we must be receptive to the need for change in how we speak as to promote healing and understanding between both parties.

Lastly, it may be beneficial to engage in therapy—not only for the one feeling not good enough, but also potentially inviting our partner/loved one along to discuss in this safe environment as well. Having a skilled mediator and translator for our feelings can help us in our goal to heal and to get back to feeling on an equal ground with our loved ones and finally to rid ourselves of our negative self-talk. At the end of the day, all of us should realize we absolutely are good enough and are perfectly equal and worthy of love, support, and attention.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

It must be really hard to constantly have thoughts around it and feel that you are not good enough for someone. I am glad that you have taken this first step towards identifying and working towards how you have been feeling. There might be a number of things that might be resulting in this, ranging from the self-doubt we have to a reflection of the self-confidence and self-esteem we have. At times, we have this inner critic that greatly affects us in a negative way due to all the negative self-talks that we subject ourselves to. I hope you will be able to work on identifying the real reason because of which you feel this. For a healthy relationship, it is really important to communicate how you have been feeling, indulge in self-love and care, know your worth and that might be helpful. It might also be helpful to reaffirm yourself while thinking about the good times and perhaps taking support from your family members. If you think that how you are feeling is greatly affecting your relations, then you might want to consider seeking therapy and going to a professional. At the end of the day, remind yourself that you are an amazing person and you’ll be able to work through this. You have got this!

@SoulfullyAButterfly
Sometimes we might feel like we’re not good enough for the people around us, whether that be our parents, children, our partner, or other family members in our lives. One reason we might feel this way, could be social media. Social media may negatively impact our self-worth by amplifying our inner critic and supporting negative self-talk and self-doubt. The good news is that it can also help. Through social media, you can find resources for therapy or other forms of self-improvement to become a better person than you already were. Using these resources will allow you to regain the self-confidence you deserve by helping you realize you are an amazing person with a voice that deserves to be heard for your whole life. You can also discover how to have healthy relationships by learning great things like better communication and other information on a healthy lifestyle and social life. At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that we are all human beings, and we are all capable of improvement with the right resources.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Question: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

This is a difficult feeling to interpret and understand. It can feel like a heavy weight on your shoulders, especially when it involves a loved one. A healthy relationship involves honesty and vulnerability, and above all, a foundation of love and support from your partner. Sometimes our inner critic and self-doubt can cause us to spiral into negative self-talk, which can feel very overpowering. When I was in a similar situation I communicated this to my partner and focused on building my self-love and self-confidence. At the end of the day, an individual may be an amazing person but not the right person for someone. Good luck!

Question: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

This feeling of self-doubt is not an easy answer as most people want to believe. We feel this way when growing up from childhood to adulthood. There are many ways for the inner critic voice can go away over time is with help from therapy, supportive family members, friends, and support groups. It may be easy to voice negative self-talk but, the first step (which is not the easiest) is knowing you are an amazing person and deserve great things in life has to offer. Self-love will win at the end of the day.

My answer to: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

Sometimes we feel like we are not good enough for others including parents, other family members, and/or a partner. Just because we feel this way does not mean it is true. The feeling of not being good enough often comes from reduced self-esteem and self-worth that can be influenced by social media and other people. Some of the common symptoms of not feeling “good enough” include self-doubt, negative self-talk, lack of self-confidence, and an overly-harsh inner critic.

According to Kristen Neff, a researcher who focuses on self-compassion, the best way to not be consumed by no feeling like you are good enough for others starts within, with self-compassion. A lot of times our self-worth is determined by self-esteem. While having self-esteem is important, self-esteem is built by external sources letting us know if we’re doing a good job or living up to standards. Instead of looking for the external validation of being good enough, we can look inward and realize that we’re all human, and all humans deserve compassion. Many times, those of us who struggle with our own self-worth are a lot more critical of ourselves than we would be of others.

One question I’ve been asked over and over again in therapy is: would you ever tell a friend or family member they’re not good enough? No? Then why would you say that to yourself?

After years of hearing this question and repeating it to myself every time I catch myself being overly critical I have gotten to the point of recognizing that the feeling of not being good enough comes from within. I’ve also learned to realize the humaness in myself and embrace it, giving myself grace and compassion when I make mistakes.

It would be great if the rest of the world gave us the same grace and compassion that we are expected to give ourselves, unfortunately though that’s not always reality.

Many times we go our whole lives thinking that our worth is based on other people’s assessments and evaluations of us, but once we realize that those assessments and evaluations are more of a reflection of the other person than they are of us, it becomes a lot easier to practice self-compassion.

I’m not going to say self-compassion is easy, but with practice it does become second nature over time. When you start treating yourself with compassion, you may also start to feel like a better person all together because not only will you be more compassionate to yourself, but may find it easier to be compassionate for others you may not have had patience with before. Self-love is a game changer, we’re all human beings and we all deserve love, especially self-love.

So, how do you start working on self-compassion?

First step is to recognize and acknowledge that you are a human being, just like everyone else, and that as a human being, you deserve compassion, just like everyone else. Once you are able to recognize that you deserve compassion, you can work on forgiving yourself for common, easy to make mistakes. After you master self-forgiveness on that level, it becomes easier to forgive yourself for things that are bigger than the mundane mistakes of everyday life. No human being is perfect all that time, and that means mistakes happen, it’s okay, it’s part of life.

Another step in developing self-compassion is challenging that voice that tells you that you’re not good enough. Many people do this with affirmations. There are thousands of affirmations online that you could find in a google search, but the important thing is finding the affirmations that work best for you. In my work in therapy, I’ve found that in order for an affirmation to feel “right” it needs to be believable, so if you feel like you’re not good enough, simply repeating “I am good enough” may feel inauthentic, if it does that’s okay, adjust it to something along the lines of “I am a good person, I make mistakes, and that does not take away from my worth as an amazing human being,” or “I’m doing the best I can, and if my best doesn’t give me the results I want, I will learn from my mistakes so that I don’t make the same mistakes next time” or whatever wording works for you. For me, I had a lot of longer affirmations at first like that, now “I deserve to be loved”, “I deserve to be treated with kindness”, and “I’m a good person” are short things I can say to myself to get through the difficult moments when that feeling of not being “good enough” for others creeps in again.

Working on self-compassion, self-esteem, and self-worth is also extremely effective with a therapist, in fact, it’s like they’re trained to help people find their value and worth, though I know therapy isn’t an option for everyone. If therapy isn’t something you can afford or is not an option for you, seeking healthy relationships with others who demonstrate self-compassion to themselves, along with compassion to others (especially you) can be extremely helpful also. It allows you to see that self-compassion is real, and that you deserve compassion not only from yourself, but from others as well.

At the end of the day, we can’t force others to be compassionate to us, we can’t force others to be kind, but what we can do is be our best selves, be kind to ourselves, and not tolerate lack of kindness and compassion from others. We can’t make everyone happy, and unfortunately it’s the people we want to make proud the most that often make us feel like we’re never good enough, but once you learn to be compassionate to yourself, and give yourself grace, and love yourself, you won’t need the external validation of being “good enough” for others as much because you’ll be able to feel it in your bones.

I hope this helps. If you want to find out more information about self-compassion you can look up Kristen Neff, she has a wonderful TedTalk on Youtube as well as her own website with more content.

I feel like my answer is quite long, but I tried to include all of the components of a good answer and as many keywords as possible.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

Answer:

A healthy relationship between two human beings that came together to become a family can bring great things to both partners. If you are struggling to feel self-worth this inner critic can cause self-doubt in yourself, your partner and your relationship. The good news is that you have awareness of this negative self-talk which is the first step in your path toward self-love.

After awareness, the second step is communication with a trusted family member such as your parents, friend, partner and/or therapist. Who you voice this information with is up to you and who you feel most comfortable with. 7 Cups provides 1:1 chats, forums and group chat discussions that are anonymous and supportive if you feel like you need a smaller stepping stone towards discussing it with your loved ones. When I'm overwhelmed with feelings of self-doubt I know that communicating my feelings and needs has to be a goal in itself.

After communicating your struggles to some of your trusted supporters, generating goals to define your path toward self-love is the next step. You may have even found other goals you have such as deeper intimacy with your partner, or more comfortable communication surrounding mental health. I like to use my supportive listeners on 7 Cups to help brainstorm what my best steps toward my goal look like.

One method for defining these goals is SMART goal design. SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, timely or time-bound) goals can help with our whole life and at the end of the day can hold us accountable.

Finally, know you are doing your best and trust that you are a good person. It's hard to reach out to therapy and it's perfectly normal for us human beings to resist change so I commend you for your efforts toward researching and reaching out. You're not alone 🤗

The following links helped me generate this answer and may be helpful for your further information:

https://www.7cups.com/experts/article/3-tips-to-accomplish-your-short-and-long-term-goals

https://www.7cups.com/experts/self-esteem/

https://www.hss.gov.nt.ca/professionals/sites/professionals/files/resources/smart-goal-setting-guidelines.pdf